THIS IS MAZZY FROM DOWN UNDER...
I FIRST GOT SOBER IN 2001 & HAD
10 YRS UP, THEN I RELAPSED FOR 10 MONTHS...
BUT I'M BACK, SOBER & CLEAN & DOING GREAT..
IF YOU REMEMBER ME, PLEASE ADD ME AS A
FRIEND AGAIN & ANYONE ELSE WHO WOULD
LIKE TO JOIN ME ON OUR COMMON JOURNEY
INTO RECOVERY (ONE DAY AT A TIME)..
I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET..
I TRULY WANT TO DO MY BEST TO HELP OTHERS..
PRAYERS & BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE..
HERE'S PART OF MY STORY PRIOR TO RELAPSE..
I FIRST DISCOVERED ALCOHOL IN MY TEENS & LOVED THE EFFECT..
AT 19yrs I TOOK OFF TO SYDNEY.
I SOON DISCOVERED HEROIN, ACID & PILLS..
I PARTIED HARD & LIVED LIFE ON THE EDGE..
I JUST TRIED TO MAKE LIFE ONE BIG PARTY..
THE PARTY DIDN'T LAST VERY LONG & I FOUND
MYSELF TRAPPED IN ADDICTION.
BY THE TIME I WAS 20 I WAS TOTALLY
ADDICTED TO HEROIN, MANDRAX SLEEPING PILLS
(anyone remember those horrendous things?)
SO I MOVED BACK HOME FOR A SHORT TIME
TO DETOX BUT AS SOON AS I WAS WELL I DID
IT ALL AGAIN..
BY THE TIME I WAS 21,
I WAS HOMELESS AND LIVING ON
THE STREETS OF KINGS CROSS.
I SLEPT IN PARKS OR I WOULD BEG SOME FLOOR
SPACE IN ANOTHER ADDICTS SQUAT..
I HAD NO SELF-ESTEEM & I FELT WORTHLESS.
GOD MUST HAVE BEEN LOOKING AFTER ME
EVEN THEN, COS THE THINGS I DID,
THE CRIMES, THE LOCK-UPS, THE HOMELESSNESS
& ALL THE BEATINGS ETC.. SHOULD HAVE KILLED ME..
I EVENTUALLY WENT HOME AGAIN AT THE AGE OF 25
& TRIED TO SORT MY LIFE OUT..
BY THAS TIME, I'D BEEN LOCKED UP
IN 2 STATES OF AUSTRALIA, I'D BEEN
BASHED MANY TIMES & ALL THAT OTHER
STUFF THAT COMES WITH BEING AN ACTIVE ALCOHOLIC..
I ABSOLUTELY HATED THE WORLD & EVERYONE IN IT..
I FINALLY PUT DOWN THE DRUGS, BUT CONTINUED TO DRINK ALCOHOL AROUND THE CLOCK..
I GOT A JOB & HAD MY SON JACKSON
AT AGE 28, BUT I ENDED UP UNEMPLOYED,
A SINGLE MOTHER & A CHRONIC ALCOHOLIC..
AT THE AGE OF 40 I HAD A MASSIVE
HEMORRHAGE OF THE ESOPHAGUS & ALMOST DIED..
I'D BEEN ON THE LIVER TRANSPLANT
LIST FOR THE LAST 5 YRS AT THIS STAGE..
THE LAST 4 YRS OF MY DRINKING I SPENT
MORE TIME IN HOSPITAL THAN OUT, BUT I JUST COULDN'T STOP DRINKING..
BY THIS TIME, MY SON HAD LEFT HOME &
I WAS ESTRANGED FROM HIM & THE REST OF MY FAMILY..
I'D LOST MY DIGNITY & ALL MY SELF-WORTH,
BUT WORST OF ALL; I'D LOST MAZZY.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHO THAT WOMAN IN THE MIRROR WAS;
ALL I KNEW WAS THAT I HATED HER!!
MY LIVER SPECIALIST HAD RECENTLY TOLD ME
I HAD ONLY TWO MONTHS TOPS TO LIVE OR
THAT I COULD GO INTO LIVER FAILURE
AT ANY TIME.. SO I DECIDED I WANTED TO
DIE SOBER/CLEAN, (IF POSSIBLE)
FOR THE SAKE OF MY SON..
I THOUGHT IT WAS WAY TOO LATE FOR ME
BUT I FOUND THE ROOMS OF AA & LATER NA
AND VERY SLOWLY MY HEALTH BEGAN TO IMPROVE..
I NEVER DID GET THAT LIVER TRANSPLANT;
I GOT CLEAN & SOBER & GOD DID THE REST.
I HAVE SEVERE CIRRHOSIS OF THE LIVER,
BUT TODAY IT FUNCTIONS FAIRLY WELL..
IT'S AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE ALL THE WAY..
I WORK THE STEPS, & TRY TO DO ALL THE
SUGGESTED THINGS..
I GO TO MEETINGS EVEN WHEN I DON'T
WANT TO & I TRUST IN GOD..
I AM EVER VIGILANT AS THIS DISEASE
WANTS ME *DEAD*!!
ALL I NEED TO DO IS PICK UP ONE
DRINK OR DRUG & I COULD DIE, OR GO
STRAIGHT BACK TO HELL & FIND MYSELF
LAYING IN A GUTTER OR LAYING IN A HOSPITAL
BED WAITING TO DIE AN UGLY, PAINFUL DEATH..
OH, & THEN THERE'S ALWAYS KORSAKOVS DISEASE..
NOW THAT WOULD BE NICE..
A WET BRAIN??..NO THANKS!!
