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I really don't know where to start. I really don't like to talk about myself for that very reason. Okay, here goes. I have been married for over 20 years. I have 2 kids who have graduated college. I am retired on a mental disability; I am bi-polar to the point I cannot function at a job or in most places that take me outside of my home. I have 7 dogs and a parrot. Two of the dogs are inside my home and they are like my own children since I've been there for them since the time of their birth. I used to raise Australian Shepherds. I have used drugs and alcohol since I was a teen. I smoked pot because everyone else was smoking pot. I wanted to know what it was all about. I liked the way it made me feel. I began drinking because other people were doing it too. I also grew up in an alcoholic home, so beer and liquor were always readily available to me. I never felt that I had a problem with it. I had control of it; I had control of my life. But then I got older, my life changed, and life itself started getting to me. Pressures from everywhere, from family, from being a new parent,from moving state to state, from everything I can think of. I started getting migraines and doctors were all too ready to prescribe narcotic pain medication to alleviate my pain. Let me introduce you to addiction #3. Darkness started slowly creeping up on me, taking hold of my life, tightening it's grip around my throat. I finally started to struggle with my addiction back in 2007 and I've been fighting it ever since. I got to the point that I couldn't eat without the pot; I stayed nauseous. I couldn't function on a daily basis without the coke. I had no focus. And I stayed in constant pain and was always in need of a pain pill. As of recently, I have been forced to admit that I have an addiction to food. I know we all need food to eat, but eating has consumed me. I am a slave to binging and to the point that I eat in secret. I do it when people are asleep, or when there is nobody around. It's as severe for me as being addicted to booze. I'm not new to recovery. I've been part of the program before but failed miserably. This is just one more time of many. I have been "quitting" for months now and kept putting it off saying that I would quit after this happens, after that happens.. The list of excuses goes on and on and on. Finally, I have decided to start now. My first thought upon waking today was that I would wait to make this change in my life on January 1st, so I could say it was my New Year's resolution, that I was starting my new year off to a good start. But I knew that if I waited until then, I would just put it off again. So here I am, December 27, 2011 at Day 1 I must add that though I wrote this initial description of me on December 27th, I go back daily and keep reminding myself of how I felt that day and try to put myself in the frame of mind to that point. To that degree of strength. When times get tough, I remind myself that at that point in my life, I had stepped forward to end this control over my life. If I could do it then, I could continue to fight the fight. Update February 1, 2012. I've slipped from my personal wagon. I'm still clean and dry, but I can't control my eating. My binges are getting more severe and more frequently. I'm not sure I can control this particular weakness in my life. I'm too ashamed to seek help from others, so I don't know how to even begin the recovery process
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I like a lot of the usual things people talk about. The beach, the lake, hiking, being outdoors, etc... I am a shopaholic; but I don't think they've made a support group for that yet. I am hopelessly connected to my computer.
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I hate losing control of my body, of letting something or someone else have power over me. I hate people with hidden agendas, or those who are always critical of others,especially when they fail to take a look in the mirror. I don't like being judged for having a different spiritual path than others. But most of all... I don't like to feel alone.
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[This member only allows comments from his/her friends.]
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May 7, 2013, 1:39 pm I
hate
having
vehicle
problems.
Did
you
know
I
can't
rent
a
car
because
I
don't
have
a
CREDIT
card?
I
have
my
VISA
check
card,
which
is
supposed
to
be
good
everywhere
credit
cards
are
taken. Everywhere
except
rental
car
businesses.
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