First Year
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By:
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erica_ellis
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Mood:
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Mellow
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Date:
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Feb 16, 2013
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Music:
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Sober - Pink
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February
6th
I
was
one
year
sober I
should
have
been
happy,
but
it
was
more
of
a
guilt
trip,
bad
memories
kinda
deal. I
felt
guilty
for
all
the
stupid
things
I
did,
for
all
the
people
I
hurt,
and
all
the
friends
I
lost. I
felt
guilty
for
letting
myself
go
the
way
that
I
did. I
felt
angry
because
now
I
feel
like
half
of
what
I
do
or
see
becomes
a
trigger. I
never
imagined
that
I
would
considering
relapsing
again
so
many
times.
My
Psychology
teacher
was
discussing
Freud's
cocaine
use
..
and
for
a
moment
..
I
actually
considered
it
to
be
a
good
idea. The
person
I
primarily
shared
my
drug
use
with
was
my
friend
Shane.
(Name
Changed)
We
did
everything
together.
I
woke
up,
got
high,
went
to
school.
Once
I
got
out
of
school,
I
went
over
to
Shane's
house
and
got
high
with
him.
We
came
down
a
few
hours
later,
and
got
high
one
more
time.
Half
the
time
I
went
to
bed
high
so
I
could
wake
up
with
the
same
feeling
-
then
once
I
took
more
pills
...
I'd
amplify
the
feeling.
Now
that
I
think
about
it,
I
think
I
was
just
trying
to
replicate
my
first
high.
(Yeah,
it
never
happened.
Close..
but
never.)
He
found
out
life
changing
news
and
we
cried
on
a
bench
and
then
got
high
together.
Our
lives
(especially
mine)
were
revolved
around
the
pills. I
OD'ed
and
had
a
7
minute
seizure
one
night.
My
mom
showed
up
at
the
hospital
and
didn't
say
anything.
The
first
person
I
wanted
to
see
(and
only
person
at
the
time)
was
Shane.
He
was
all
I
had.
All
my
mom
ended
up
saying
was
"I
think
you've
learned
your
lesson."
All
I
could
think
was,
"what
lesson?"
I
was
released
from
the
hospital
around
5am
-
I
went
home
..
slept
for
a
couple
hours.
Then
I
got
high. I'm
no
longer
friends
with
Shane
-
and
I
miss
him
so
much.
Everytime
I
think
of
him
I
think
of
drugs.
I
know
it
would
be
a
VERY
destructive
friendship
if
we
ever
became
friends
again
-
but
sometimes
I
think
it's
worth
the
chance.
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