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Headspace

By: sobertoday
Mood: Sad
Date: Jun 30, 2013
Music: Silence


Today is such a tough day. I had so many things that needed to get done today, and I just shut down. I've been crying for two days. I can't stop feeling so awful inside. Lots of this is stemming from family issues. I have a toxic family, when I engage with them I just become toxic to myself. I have a huge role in the family's toxicity and I am really trying to stay objective and not be hateful. They are sick people too. I am serious about staying sober. So I am just trying to purge all of this hopelessness through writing. My husband does not understand and has his own issues. He is trying, but I hope he gets some help for himself soon. I am lucky my daughter is out of town for the summer and not around for my meltdown today. I know I am not in a good place today. I just feel angry and tired, scared and stressed out. My bills are past due, my bank account is overdrawn. I feel like school is overwhelming me. I am switching to a new department at work soon. I have a mountain of paperwork that needs to be done. The list could go on. I hate this feeling today. I am a genuinely happy person. When I get depressed like this , it just feels so unnatural and all consuming. I'm so grateful and amazed I'm sober. I don't want to use. I have people in my life who do support my sobriety. My character defects are really evident right now. It's hard to reach out to my sober support group. I don't want to be the party pooper. I'm trying to get out of this funk. I know it will pass, it always does. Thanks for letting me vent.




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