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Here goes

By: cjcbcccjc
Mood: Disappointed
Date: May 03, 2014
Music: U2 Beautiful Day


Well this is my first post. In the past two years I have totally changed. I went from having a full athletic scholarship to dropping out of school, pawning all my things, being kicked out of the house, loosing friends, committing crimes, and turning into the complete opposite person I use to be. First time I used drugs was when I was thirteen. I would go to football practice high, wake up before school and get high, I didn't think much of it, I thought I was cool because the kids I was smoking with were juniors and seniors in high school and I thought I was a badass. I started selling a little bit at the time but eventually I got caught by my parents. I had never felt so much guilt in my entire life. I had hurt and scared my parents who are great people, hard on me but very caring parents, I had been libeling, stealing, and when the truth came out right there and then I changed. As I began high school I never used any drugs, I smoked cigarettes and chewed and maybe drank four times a year but nothing out of the ordinary. As time went on going into my senior year of high school over the summer I smoked for the first time in about 3 and a half years. Only twice it was the summer. I didn't do it at all through out the year until the end of my senior year. Me and my friends went to a concert downtown and we smoked on the way down there, I didn't think it was a big deal. A few weeks later we beat a rival team and I went to a party and smoked, then come summer I started getting into it. I was finally given more freedom by parents and probably three or four times a week me and my friends would drink and smoke. I didn't think any of this was bad. But towards the end up the summer I had to get all set for baseball. I received a full scholarship and one of the top Junior College baseball schools in the country. Towards the end of my senior season (sorry to backtrack) I hurt my should and when I was playing for my summer team I played through it, never taking a rest or telling anyone I was hurt. That was my biggest mistake I made. My first day at practice I could barely lift my arm up. As much as I felt like a fool not being able to perform to my capabilities I pushed through. Once we were to play our first intramural game in the fall, (playing against the same kids on our team) I played awesome but I couldn't take the pain anymore and my Coach finally noticed and I went to the Doctor. During this time in the fall me and a friend who went to a different college but lived within a few miles from me he was smoking pot everyday and I really didn't want to but every night after school or practice we would go lift and smoke. Hats where I started f@cking up. Once I went to the doctor I did all the rehabilitation for my shoulder and when it was fixed I started hitting again and hurt it again. My grades started going down, I stopped going to class, I was stealing money from my parents, I was libeling and to save my ass from parents and coach finding out I would of been ineligible to play because my GPA was to low I took a redstart meaning I could sit out the season and still maintain a year of eligibility. As time went on I continued smoking pot everyday. It turned into waking up everyday and walking into the garage and lighting up a bowl. I lost total focus of baseball and school. I got a job at pizza place, (totally worst idea) turns out every single worker smoked and three drug dealers worked there. I thought it was the perfect job. How stupid of me.

Well I missed the whole first year, the second semester I did the same thing, barely go to class, drop class, etc smoke pot everyday and I really started to loose focus. At the end of the second semester my coach called me in and told me if I don't bring my GPA up to this much I will loose my scholarship, and it was him being a dick it was don't rules. So I signed up for three summer classes and two weeks in I started doing my routine again, wake up, smoke, drive to school, think about how much school sucks, go home, meet up with my friends who were home from school and party.

Over the summer it got really bad, I was drinking and driving, smoking all day, wasting my parents money for the classes, still stealing, libeling, drinking all the time. It was bad. I was playing for a summer college baseball which was really good, division one baseball players, ex pros all that. I smoked one time before a game and got on base. I did it the next game, got on base. As NCAA as this sounds I had a 13 game streak of reaching base against top competition being stoned during games. I look back and think damn, I wonder I much better I would have done if I wasn't stoned. Towards the end of the summer I started to think about using other drugs, I went to a concert and did molly, it was absolutely awesome but still was having my priority straight with school.

Before the fall semester started my coach called me in and told me the news I expected to hear and I lost my scholarship. How the hell am I going to explain this to my parents? They are going to kill me. I told them and they were disappointed obviously, screaming, fighting etc you know how it goes. I had to take out a loan and pay for my own classes which I managed to f@ck up considering I was stoned 99.9% of the time and the first week of ball same story, I had an awesome game, was taking 4 to 6 balls out of the park during batting practice and same game a year later the intramural game I hurt my shoulder.

Once that happened I completely lost interest in baseball. I completely stopped going to school and baseball. I told my parents that I couldn't take going to school there anymore. It was an all black school and the only white people there were the baseball players. I finally grew the balls to tell my parents I was quieting and when I quit and left school that semester I really started to f@ck up.

I started hanging out with old guys from the neighborhood I grew up in, and they weren't friends they were drug addicts in alcoholics. The first time I hung out with them I was introduced to my first line of iodine. I drank everyday for a month straight. Some nights I wasn't coming home, others Id walk in to my mother and father worried and yelling at me. I was drinking every night and I realized thank GOD that these guys I was hanging around with weren't good people so I stopped.

When I stopped a very close friend of mine was released from a half way house. He use to be my best friend, we played football together, fought, worked out, we had the same goal in high school becoming division one athletes and with him, he became addicted to pain killers and eventually heroin and was shooting up and was in and out of rehab three times and the third time he was released I picked him up and was the first face he saw.

For the longest time I looked up to him, even if he was a heroin addict previously, he was clean, motivating, muscular, got all the girls, he was the man. I brought him home and we hung out, went for a walk, bullsh*t for a while and later went on to me up with my other friend who warned me about this individual not to trust him so much.

The first night back me and my friend who just got out of rehab drank, the next day we drank, the day after that we drank. And for a week straight we drank. I didn't think much of it. As a few weeks went on I remember he said "you know we can go like this, couple beers here and there, a little coke, this is fine". For the longest time I had been wanted to try coke and that same day later that night we bought a gram of coke and snorted all of it.

Later on early in the morning probably am am I felt ashamed. I realized I cant live like this and I was having suicidal thoughts. The next day my friend introduced to kid I knew who was a in some many words a bad kid, we got super f@cked up and I came in contact with a legitimate murderer. He told me a story how he beat a persons head in, and for the first time in my life, I wanted to go home. And I did.

After that night I didn't talk to my heroin addict friend for months, I found out from a different source later that he was 8 balling with heroin and coke. I had no idea, otherwise I would never have done blow with him. But I was just as at fault, I didn't step up and be a man and say no we should do it but I can only control the decisions I make no one else.

Turns out he relapsed on heroin but only twice, as f@cked up as that sounds but I stopped hanging out with him.

As time went on once again I started doing pain killers, coke, and acid and shoos and drinking allot still. I was really into the painkillers. I hate saying this but since this is an addiction site I feel comfortable sort of, my grandfather passed away and my parents took all the medicine he was on and had it at our house. He had a full bottle of oxy and I took every single one. Talk about f@cked up? Jesus

As bad as that sounded on November G-string 2013 the best worst thing ever happened to me. That night my close friend threw a ranger and I had beer all ready on the way there I started drinking, I didn't care I wasn't going to get caught. We got to the party and got smashed and I ended up hooking up with a girl then drove her home. I went back to the party hooked up with another girl and drove her home. My friend was calling me to meet him and I drove to him and when we met I decided to start showing off my car. It was wet and snowy out. I purposely drove across a lawn, hung a tire sketching turning, gunned it then came to a only left turn and when I went to turn left my car sketching and I slammed into a tree. Air bags exploded my car totaled, am, I panicked. Thank God I didn't hurt anybody, or myself and thank God my friend was driving behind me.

I knew I was screwed I didn't have a scratch on me, I sprinted to my friends car after I grabbed my phone wallet and sh*t and he drove me back to the party. I knew i was going to get the call from my parents and they told me two cops showed up at the door and told them my car had been totaled. It was like a movie, but I stuck to a story that someone stole my car but my parents new it was bullsh*t.

The next night I was brought into the police station, the cop asked me if I drove, I told him no someone stole my car. He knew it was bullsh*t and showed me the evidence because when I hit the tree I was on video and he showed me it. So he told me I have one chance to tell the truth and I did.

I think about that night all day everyday now. How much I hurt my family, how much I lied to my friends that night how I said I wasn't driving. How when I was walking out the door of the party my friends mom asked me if I drove I said no. God, and my friend told me "it is a blessing in disguise" and I thought about it and he was right. I hit a tree going 3M and didn't have a scratch on me.

From that day one I stopped the drinking, the pills, coke, the pot as best as I could. For one month I was completely sober. I felt great, but I felt terrible about what I put my family through.

I smoke pot probably 3 times a month now and recently I have been doing it allot again and I stole money from my parents this past week which I was caught I only bought a ten sack but still I sat down and told them and gave the same broken record. I have been completely sober for roughly 48 hours and I just wanted to share my story and what not with people and I hope everyone here is doing well and my personably best way to get sober is to not be selfish. Using drugs is selfish, not pot personably but everything else. You effect your friends and family and its unnoticeable from ones own vision. I hope whoever read this enjoyed it and learned something. I want to learn from everyone else. Its a beautiful day to be sober

Peace everybody and be safe




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VIEWING 1 - 4 OUT OF 4 COMMENTS

May 21, 2014, 7:05 pm

Thank you kissingcait I appreciate that and agree with you 100%."You are who you surround sourself with." And I will do my best and wish the best of luck to you as well!




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"The demon is fear, the warrior is confidence and they battle it out inside you...fear is a stronger power than confidence, confidence has to fight like mad to win the battle against fear" --- Augie Garrido
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May 18, 2014, 9:27 pm
Any day is a great day to be sober!! You have to want it enough and remove yourself from everything that supports using! You can do it. Believe in yourself and be strong!

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passion drives the soul to do the unordinary
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May 3, 2014, 12:09 pm

Thank you pcm54 I will do my best




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"The demon is fear, the warrior is confidence and they battle it out inside you...fear is a stronger power than confidence, confidence has to fight like mad to win the battle against fear" --- Augie Garrido
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From: pcm54
May 3, 2014, 1:35 am

You have the key to unlock the door to sobriety.  Use it.  You are too valuable to waste.  The world needs you.  We need you to be sober.  Use the key.




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