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Sad and ashamed

By: john_dibler
Mood: Fearful
Date: May 19, 2014
Music: None


Well heres my dilimma. I am an impulsive drug addict. My impulse is to use about $ 300 in crack every few months. Regardless of how little... for me its a life threatening problem as I would rather die than to live with this problem and my wife has no clue of how this drug takes over ones mind. I have a job and a decent place to live that ive been able to take care of pretty well. I cant afford to take off work to do lntreatment if thats really what I need but I cant, for the life of me, figure out what makes triggers my addiction , even when work is good and theres no problems at home. Ivetold my wife to help me because I dont know where to start. Ive cried and cried and then some to try and figure this out.and I keep seeing my life fly by me. I have a daughter thats 1 1/2 andshes everything to me but i continue to kill my relationship with the woman I love and it seems I continue to give her reasons to have hatered for me. I just want help




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From: pcm54
May 23, 2014, 1:04 am

HI,   I am so sorry you are suffering.  I will pray for your return to health and happiness.  You are a drug addict.  You can learn to live a healthy sober life or you can continue to use.  You know which road you want to take.  You have a wife, a child and a job.  That's the big three.  You will lose them if you continue to use.  So, what is your choice?



I understand about not being able to get into a treatment center.  Can you attend NA meetings?  As corny as it sounds, this is an excellent route to take.  Your wife will be able to attend open meetings and learn how to manage life with a recovering addict.  This is a suggestion.  Take it one day at a time; one hour at a time; one minute at a time.   God bless you and your family.



You can do this.



Chris




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May 20, 2014, 2:40 am

First off I want to say God bless you, your family and your drive and willingness to do what ever you can to save you and your family. That alone is extremely inspiring.



As bad and as tough as your dilema is, the most important piece you realized is that you have a problem which I am happy to hear. With that being said you also state that you feel you are in a timely situtation. The only time that exists in the world is your own. Your clock never stops until your death and that clock is YOUR LIFE! YOU HAVE POWER OVER TO CHANGE AND CONTROL HOW YOUR LIFE IS LIVED!



You admited to your wife about your addction. You know your relationship is detorititarating and running a negativecourse. You see the CHILD you created being affected. With your financial situation that rehab, phsycologists, doctors etc, are out  situation as you said. You feel there is no nope it seems? 



So what can you do to change your life? Heres my advice. Take it personal to your mind, heart and soul.



Litterally look at yourself in the mirrior, look into your eyes. Think of your entire family, wife, child, parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins friends, every single person you have passionate, carring and loving feelings for.(NO INDIVIDUALS YOU HAVE USED DRUGS WITH!) Write down all the POSITIVE things they brought into your life. The happiness, preseents, vacations, jokes laughs. Write those experiences and memories of how, what,why, where and when they took place. And only honest and truthful, if you arent yo are wasting time and will not see results of postive nergy.



Now is the hard part, the part where if you are not honest with yourself, this is a waist of time. Write down every individual you have ever done drugs with and yes even pot. Think of every time you picked up a sac, think of the "friends" you smoked, snorted, drove f@cked up with. Think of when yo stolen money from a family member, friend or anyone.Think of the times you had to lie about where you were, what you were doing. Think off the dude who served acts as a friend and takes your money that could have been put towards your family, bills, a car, gas, savings account etc. Write all that down and still look in the mirrior in the eye.



Now write down all the times you were in terrible posistions because of drugs. A true example of myself (I was snorting pain killers, smoking pot, and drinking and driving when I received a phone call my Grandfather was ruhed to the hospital and his life was coming to an end)



Now whether you do this or I came to a conclusion that seems idiotic and not to be thought as a good saying but my definition of addiction may soundignorant but its true.



Addiction=Selfish



Why selfish? When using you never think of the people who care most about you. You never think of overdose, jail, family, you just want to escape realiity. I have been addicted to alcohol, pain killers, coke, bars, and pot.I have dabbled molly, ex,  huffed gas, lsd, shrooms all that sh*t. Friends and family of mine have died,gone to jail or completely lost their minds.



Now that is just a tip of the the iceberg formyself. I am 20, I have seen it andd done it all and also I had the courage andd strength to get clean. It took me to to drive druve 50mph high on coke and ex to realize I am f@cking up and its time to clean my act.



I believe you sir can get clean, its more than just saying no to drugs i get that. But it takes a man to be truthful with himself, and what you said and what I read I strongly believe you can do it. The key to stopping drugs is TO MAN THE f@ck UP, AND THINK OF YOUR LIFE.



YOU HAVE LOVELY WIFE, A CHILD, AND KNOW THE RISK YOU ALREADY TAKING BY USING! YOU ARE A STRONG, YOU ARE A MAN, HUSBAND, AND FATHER. NEVER THINK YOU ARE WEAK BECAUSE THE ONE WHO IS WEAK DIES AND THE ONE ONE WHO IS STRONG SURVIVES!



Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.



Goodluck to you my friend, be the husband and father you know you can be! Much love and Ill be praying for you! Only positive thoughts! Now go prove yourself and family that because in their hearts they never will sto believing!



"If you want breath, as much as you want to succeed, the you will be uccessfull"



 



Much love brother, Iknow you can win! 



(FYI spell check wouldnt load so I apoligize for the incorrect spelling) 



NOW GO BE THE MAN YOU WANT TO BE! BE AS STRONG AS YOU KNOW YOU ARE!



NOW GO FOR IT MAN!



Feel free to message me, I would love to hear more about the future for you brother!




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"The demon is fear, the warrior is confidence and they battle it out inside you...fear is a stronger power than confidence, confidence has to fight like mad to win the battle against fear" --- Augie Garrido
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