By: dalife68
Mood: Sad
Date: May 04, 2014
Music: Mother Love Bone

First entry ever, May 4th 2014. Wow I have moved backwards a lot in the past few months. This is not as happy as it sounds. I am starting to lose ambition from lack of motivaton, again, and again. Been here before. I am not one to complain or ask for help but, I am going to try writing a blog with some feelings and see what happens. I have ran far enough again, but I still believe in the good in me and others. I have been following a certain description of myself for what? I need to be strong and conquer my life's challenges that I have created. One example and I am going to stop, I have only spoken to my 20 year old daughter 3 times in the last year. We used to be so close, I no longer have a car and have been out of work. I feel like a failure. I have never felt like this before and I want to know how I should approach this. I have realized that as long as I keep using and drinking, this will never be possible. Thanks for letting me share.



May 12, 2014, 3:07 pm

Your not alone man. Theres millions of us that struggle with addiction everyday but it gets easier. I as well havent seen my duaghter in 4 months. its hard but daddy needs to get better. keep your head up, go to meetings, find a sponsor, go to rehab, let go of your ego that one will tell you people that are trying to help you are crazy haha and remember to love yourself and love other people. It gets easier you just need to give up fighting and let someone else so you a new way to live!



what people say behind your back is none of your business

May 9, 2014, 7:53 pm

my name is JJ and i am am addict. you cannot move forward if you keeo looking backwards. I have been a long time member of this site. i have written over 300 blogs. in 61 days by the grace of God and NA i will have 25 years clean. I used from 1967 to 1989. look up my page it's JJrocksarizona and see what you find. you do not have to do this alone. Aloha and hugs, JJ



Get out of God's way and let Him work in your life.

From: dalife68
May 4, 2014, 11:20 pm

Thank you Chris.  My daughter that I was speaking of, Shannon, lives with her mother still.  They are only a few miles away and a lot of this is normal post teen daughter stuff anyway.  She works full time and will be graduating from Junior College this semester.  She is 20.  I am so proud.  I know more than anyone that actions speak louder than words.  I know she will come see me if I ask but, somehow in this selfish depression of it is better not to see her because I am going to let her down and just use, why.  Why am I so different.  I know that I am a great father and a great human being.  I want to be me again.  I remember waking up and being happy about surprising someone, or you know that feeling of being alive and not sick to my stomach, or tired, or ashamed of being myself.  I have to get serious and remember that it will get better.  Not on my time, but by the power of God and understanding compassion again for myself and others.  Thank you so much for responding to my blog, I do not know you Chris, but you helped me make it through today.  I hope my sharing comforts you as well


So lost and lonely by bad choices,,,Lord please hold my hand tight now, and help me remember Grace.

From: pcm54
May 4, 2014, 9:42 pm


      I understand your pain.  I have lost two daughters due to my addictions.  They are 34 and 39 years old.  I don't know if they will ever speak to me again.  I let the separation go on too long.  You are right in that she won't want to talk to you when you are drunk or high.  I wish someone had told me that 30 years ago..,.   I have tremendous regrets and guilt about this issue.  I can only pray that God takes away the anger and resentments in my daughter's hearts so that they can live a happier life.  As for reconnectiong with them, eh, only time and God will tell

     If I could make a suggestion, could you communicate with her via emails or facebook?  Just tell her you love her and are thinking about her.  No heavy stuff.  The only this is you need to be sober when you write.  I am so ashamed of some of the messages I sent when I was using!!  Just keep the channel open.  Try to get to meetings and get your sobriety back.  I will pray for you!