When Fun Turns to Pain

By: ess_anderson
Mood: Tired
Date: Feb 15, 2013
Music: None

So basically I just need a place to release my thoughts... Truthfully, I've been an alcoholic now for the past 8 years, but even now I deny it to myself and to others. All of my friends drink. Every woman that I've been in a relationship with since my freshman year in college has had drinking or drug problems. I'm so used to this lifestyle and those that I surround myself with, that I can't imagine any other way to live. It's becoming exhausting.

Last night for instance, my girlfriend and I went out for a nice dinner. Everything was perfect: crab cakes, lobster, steak... and of course, I started the meal with a double Jack and Coke. If it were just the one drink, everything would be fine. But the double turned into another, and another. I had 4 doubles in me by the time the ticket came, and of course I was a little buzzed. She drinks too, so we decide to go to our favorite bar downtown and have just a couple more drinks. "We'll be home by 10" we said, as my sister was watching her kids. As it turned out, 10 turned into 1:30 a.m. pretty damn quick, and we both stumbled in her door drunk. After my sister left, we began fighting, as we normally do when we're both tore up. So this morning, we were greeted with a hangover and multiple apologies from both parts. What began as a great Valentine's dinner turned into a sloppy, drunken mess and a horrible day at work.

This is a regular occurance for me. I drink 6 to 7 days a week, and I drink heavily. I don't know how to have just one, and I don't know how to quit the habit. If I were to quit drinking, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. But like I said, it's getting exhausting. I'm 29 years old, but I'm starting to feel like an old man at times... sleeping all day on the week-ends, coming into work groggy all of the time. I'm tired of it.

So I guess my real reason for posting on here, other than to vent, is to possibly connect with people that find themselves in the same boat. I don't want to go to AA, for the simple fact that I could never admit that I'm an alcoholic while strangers stare at me. This is easier, though I doubt it's as effective. I don't want sympathy. I just want to know that I'm not alone in this, and that other people are there that may be able to help me. I really do want to quit drinking, I just feel like I can't. I'm scared to lose that part of my life.



From: F150
February 16, 2013, 7:56 pm

There was a time when I went to A LOT of AA meetings, and I never found the situation you described, that people would stare at you while you admitted you are an alcoholic. And keep in mind that AA meetings are all different. You should try a few meetings. Pride is not your friend when it comes to this thing called addiction. You’re right about this website not being as effective. There are others that I believe are somewhat effective.