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When Fun Turns to Pain
So
basically
I
just
need
a
place
to
release
my
thoughts...
Truthfully,
I've
been
an
alcoholic
now
for
the
past
8
years,
but
even
now
I
deny
it
to
myself
and
to
others.
All
of
my
friends
drink.
Every
woman
that
I've
been
in
a
relationship
with
since
my
freshman
year
in
college
has
had
drinking
or
drug
problems.
I'm
so
used
to
this
lifestyle
and
those
that
I
surround
myself
with,
that
I
can't
imagine
any
other
way
to
live.
It's
becoming
exhausting. Last
night
for
instance,
my
girlfriend
and
I
went
out
for
a
nice
dinner.
Everything
was
perfect:
crab
cakes,
lobster,
steak...
and
of
course,
I
started
the
meal
with
a
double
Jack
and
Coke.
If
it
were
just
the
one
drink,
everything
would
be
fine.
But
the
double
turned
into
another,
and
another.
I
had
4
doubles
in
me
by
the
time
the
ticket
came,
and
of
course
I
was
a
little
buzzed.
She
drinks
too,
so
we
decide
to
go
to
our
favorite
bar
downtown
and
have
just
a
couple
more
drinks.
"We'll
be
home
by
10"
we
said,
as
my
sister
was
watching
her
kids.
As
it
turned
out,
10
turned
into
1:30
a.m.
pretty
damn
quick,
and
we
both
stumbled
in
her
door
drunk.
After
my
sister
left,
we
began
fighting,
as
we
normally
do
when
we're
both
tore
up.
So
this
morning,
we
were
greeted
with
a
hangover
and
multiple
apologies
from
both
parts.
What
began
as
a
great
Valentine's
dinner
turned
into
a
sloppy,
drunken
mess
and
a
horrible
day
at
work. This
is
a
regular
occurance
for
me.
I
drink
6
to
7
days
a
week,
and
I
drink
heavily.
I
don't
know
how
to
have
just
one,
and
I
don't
know
how
to
quit
the
habit.
If
I
were
to
quit
drinking,
I
wouldn't
know
what
to
do
with
myself.
But
like
I
said,
it's
getting
exhausting.
I'm
29
years
old,
but
I'm
starting
to
feel
like
an
old
man
at
times...
sleeping
all
day
on
the
week-ends,
coming
into
work
groggy
all
of
the
time.
I'm
tired
of
it. So
I
guess
my
real
reason
for
posting
on
here,
other
than
to
vent,
is
to
possibly
connect
with
people
that
find
themselves
in
the
same
boat.
I
don't
want
to
go
to
AA,
for
the
simple
fact
that
I
could
never
admit
that
I'm
an
alcoholic
while
strangers
stare
at
me.
This
is
easier,
though
I
doubt
it's
as
effective.
I
don't
want
sympathy.
I
just
want
to
know
that
I'm
not
alone
in
this,
and
that
other
people
are
there
that
may
be
able
to
help
me.
I
really
do
want
to
quit
drinking,
I
just
feel
like
I
can't.
I'm
scared
to
lose
that
part
of
my
life.
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