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The Lie
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By:
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aps45819
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Mood:
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Full of life
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Date:
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Jan 03, 2007
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Music:
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None
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Just
left
a
NA
meeting.
The
speaker
traveled
about
60
miles
to
get
there
and
he
talked
about
the
lies
he
used
to
tell
himself.
"I
won't
pawn
the
car
this
time,
I
won't
be
crawling
on
the
carpet
looking
for
a
speck
to
smoke,
this
time
it'll
be
different."
I
got
to
thinking
about
the
lies
I've
told
myself.
When
I
got
out
of
the
Navy
and
moved
to
MD.,
I
got
busy
with
a
new
job,
new
house
and
my
new
3
month
old
daughter
and
I
told
myself
I'd
hit
a
meeting
when
I
had
time.
I
told
myself
recovery
was
different
here.
I
could
just
not
drink
or
use
and
I'd
be
OK.
I
lied.
I
hung
on
for
a
couple
of
years.
The
wife
left
with
my
daughter,
the
house
was
sold
and
my
job
was
in
jeporady.
My
world
was
getting
smaller
and
smaller.
Everywhere
I
went,
I'd
see
folks
having
a
beer,
laughing
and
have
fun
but
I
couldn't
join
in.
I
felt
out
of
place
and
uncomfortable.
I
stopped
going
to
those
places
and
my
wold
shrank
some
more.
I
was
back
with
the
isolation
I
worked
so
hard
to
lose.
Life
sucked.
I
finally
swallowed
my
pride
and
came
back
to
the
rooms
of
recovery.
Wound
up
with
a
group
of
folks
at
an
IHOP
after
a
meeting
one
night
and
somebody
asked
me
why
I
hadn't
been
going
to
meetings
since
I'd
been
in
the
area
for
a
couple
of
years.
Without
a
moment
of
hesitation
I
answered
"My
life
became
managable."
Until
that
moment,
I
really
didn't
know
why
I'd
told
myself
I
could
do
this
by
myself.
The
truth
is,
I
need
the
fellowship
I
find
in
the
rooms
of
recovery.
I
need
the
friends
that
understand
where
I've
been
and
who
I
am.
I
need
a
sponser
to
tell
my
secrets
to
and
a
network
to
talk
to
when
he's
not
around.
The
truth
is
I'm
an
addict
and
an
alcoholic
and
the
ONLY
way
I'll
be
happy
joyous
and
free
is
to
work
a
program
of
recovery.
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