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feeling okay?

By: jjrocksarizona
Mood: Full of life
Date: Oct 14, 2013
Music: None


friends and family, let's start with this question. why are you in Recovery? have you been court ordered? spouse or significant other? for your kids? why those might be the reason that got you here if you are not here for yourself your blowing smoke up your own ass and mine too. all of us have different reasons for coming into recovery. i had the option back in July of 1989 to go to treatment for 30 days or prison for 85. not a hard one to figure out. but i went for all the wrong reasons. my idea was to quit drinking but when i got out i was still going to use. after being there for 2 weeks i had come to the realization that for 22 years my life revolved around drugs. i did not do anything clean. i was loaded 24/7.

My disease did not stop just because it was a holiday or the weekday and i had to go to work. being a radio announcer for 33 years i was loaded on the air for 17 years and clean for the last 16. so i came to realize that i had to do this for myself. Recovery became the #1 priority in my life. yes i was married, 2 kids, owned a house, had a great job, all the things you need in life but my using kept the finances tight and we squeaked by. but getting clean and staying clean has got to be an inside job. only we as individuals can make the choice to get clean and to stay clean. it takes damn hard work and we put our hopes and dreams in the hands of total strangers who got here before we did. those people share their experience, strength and hope with us. we are taught how to become productive members of society.

So how do we stay clean and not relapse? the relapse occurs way before the actual event itself. we set ourselves up to fail. why? because it's the easier softer way. Recovery is not for everybody. if your in the relapse mode then you have a reservation somewhere in your program of recovery. when we're new we go to NA lengths to stay clean. we go to meetings and wonder why do these people want to hug us and tell us that we are welcome. they also show unconditional love to us. that in itself is where all of us start our journey. if your new you go to 90 meetings in 90 days. i think i did well over 175 meetings in my first 90 days. we get other members phone numbers and pick up the phone before we pick up the drugs.

we find a sponsor who can help us work the 12 steps. you will never get out of yourself without the 12 steps. we come to believe in a power greater than ourselves. what your higher power is, is what you choose your higher power to be. we become spiritually challenged to the point where we finally give into the belief of a power that can truly help us walk through anything in Recovery. we also become very selfish in our recovery. sure we share what has been given to us freely and willingly but i am here for me and nobody else. sure i have people who love me but i also have people who don't like me. think i give a sh*t? i do not. we can't please every person we run across in the rooms of NA and AA. but we do what we have to so we can put a few days back to back.

So my friends, f#@k keep coming back just stay. know that God has blessed you with a 2nd chance in life and remember that recovery is a journey not a destination and use the rest stops God provides along the way.

A brother in Recovery for life,

JJ




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