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the loved ones need support too

By: itsabirditsaplane
Mood: Frustrated
Date: May 04, 2014
Music: None


Sometimes i am just at my breaking point. Sometimes all i want to to is scream. Im fearful of what is to come, and what really is. He is breaking my heart, lying and hurting himself. Which in turn, is hurting his children and I. I love him, but I cant help him. I feel helpless and feeling like that is depressing. There are so many sights and numbers and forums that help ADDICTS. What about more help and support to the people who love an addict? Im trying to be there emotionally and support his "desire" to change, but it only seems like he is saying those things to keep me here. This is not my first toll. I have been down this road many times with this man. Is it true what they say. Once and addict, always an addict?




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VIEWING 1 - 5 OUT OF 5 COMMENTS

May 12, 2014, 2:56 pm

Yes once an addict always and addict. But that doesnt mean that you have to live as an addict. I caused my family and friends alot of grief and nothing they said or did could change me. Only i could change myself. My wife left me and for that I love her even more, it was the tough love that finally got me to see that i was not only hurting me but others as well. I used to say that this is my problem and if you dont like it f@ck off. When they finally did it snapped me back to reality, mind you it took 2 more years to get off the pity pot but i made it. In order to stay healthy you need to do what is right for you and your children. Im not saying to leave him, im not telling you to do anything really just be aware that everyone is different but if you keep trying to do the same thing and you keep getting the same well then try that one thing you didnt want to do. Maybe thats what needs to be done for your and your childrens safety and health.




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what people say behind your back is none of your business
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May 12, 2014, 12:37 am

Agreed. There does not seem as many physical groups out there for those who are enablers/loved ones of an addict. Thankfully, there are probably many online. I have been where you are minus the kids. I am there right now. He just relapsed after a long period of being sober. And for what reason? He doesn't know. He's just sorry and constantly asking if we were really over or would I stay with him. He's agreeing to anything I throw at him if only I stay and be with him. But for how long? How long will it last this time? Till he builds up the stresses within him and is given a trigger that sets him off and into a relapse? Oh, the web we weave. Still, I do not believe once an addict always an addict because they will always be an addict regardless of being in recovery or not. It is whether they truly give themselves to the sober life. I believe people can change. Many do not. However, people can change. It is within them. Even, addicts can change and become a recovering addict. Look at those on Intervention. Even my favorite Intervention Specialist relapsed. He rejoined the show after recovering from his relapse and rejoining the sober life.As well, there are more than thousands who were able to beat this stage and continue onto being in recovery. It is about not letting this disease of addiction beat us. However, there is always going to be that choice us loved ones helping them reach their bottom or continue to support their habit. He now knows fully I will not put up with stuff and stay. He knows I will leave. My demands are simple. Get help by going to meetings and get a sponsor. You don't think you need one? You do. You constantly tell me that you can't talk to me because I wouldn't understand or feel like you can't talk to me about this stuff. Then get a sponsor. That is what they are there for. They are there to support you through your struggles and celebrate with you when you accomplish milestones in your recovery. Meetings are there for you to get out what you need to vent or make you feel not alone through your struggles. They only last so long before you feel as you did before? Then go to more meetings and join support groups online. I've been dealing with this too long. Say what you mean and do what you say is what you want to drive into their thick fogged skulls. I understand. You end up feeling like a failure because you can't fix them even though you know they got to want to fix themselves. I couldn't imagine going through this with kids. Know this though. You aren't alone. You have people who are going to be there for you as there are ones willing to be there for him. Know that you can talk to me. I'm a willing ear and someone who knows what you are going through. Fight the good fight and leave him if that is what it takes. Remember that kids come first. If he is willing to change, be there for him as well as you can while keeping your kids first priority. It will be a struggle. It will hurt and leaving you crying. Heck, might leave you both crying. Still, the addict almost always has to have their rockbottom before they are willing to change. Best wishes and luck, Lovely. Stay strong and take care.




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May 9, 2014, 7:47 pm

my name is JJ and I am an addict, by the grace of God and the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous in 62 days I will celebrate 25 years clean. I have over 300 Blogs  on this site under jjrocksarizona. you are more than welcome to have a look, read a few blogs and see if I can be of some help. I used for 22 years so I am not a young man anymore. I became 100% disabled 9 years ago. I was a top  notch Radio Disc Jockey for 35 years. in Alaska, Oregon, Montana and Arizona. I had a major heart attack in 2007 and they had crack my chest open. My question is do you truly love him? then get him the helps he needs if he will accept it. we never know what bottom truly is. I used from 1967 to 1989. I hope everything turns out the way God wants it to. Aloha and Hugs, JJ



 



 




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Get out of God's way and let Him work in your life.
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May 6, 2014, 8:59 am

This is very true that in addiction recovery process addicts need support and encouragement. Its really helps to overcome with addiction easily. They need motivation to keep going, always be helpful and give support to your loved ones. Addiction recovery is very tough task to handle but it can be done. Now the recovery process can be very easily and amazing to solve. There are lots of success rehab which works for better treatment and medication to recover your addiction permanently.




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From: pcm54
May 4, 2014, 9:34 pm

HI,



       My name is Chris and I am an alcoholic and drug addict.  Yes, oncew and addict, always an addict, BUT and addict in recovery is an amazing thing.



      Have you tried Al-Anon?  It is the program for  the family and friends of alcoholics.  I sam sure they have one for NA also.  A really kind, gentle, soothing website I like is called www.soberrecovery.com.  Under forus, they have a whole section of threads for families and friends.



      Just know that you are not alone.  I will help you anyway I can.  One day at a time.  Get help and support for your and the children.  The meetings and  people you will meet will help you.



Gppd luck and please keep in touch.



Chris



     




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