Addiction

Part 1.

I come from a "normal family" parents divorced when I was 6 (for the second time...yup, first time I was 2, then they remarried when I was 4)
At this stage we'd moved backwards and forwards from Holland to South Africa twice.
When I was 12 I won a scholarship to attend a private school in the town we lived. My parents thought it best to send me to board there... So I ended up being very bitter at having tried so hard at the exam, because boarding school was the last place on earth I wanted to be, especially considering they both lived not 10 miles from the school. I just wanted to go to a regular school, with regular kids and go home every day. I felt I was being punished, after having done so well to win this paid for priviledged education.
Instead I spent my days and nights with these rich kids whom I had nothing in common with. Here started the breakdown of my self esteem, which hadn't been to strong in the first place, because in our family you didn't talk about feelings, and never got emotional. They didn't know about my mom's friends who molested me when I was 11, because I didn't even know what to do or say about that.

A year later they reluctantly took me out of boarding school because I'd sworn to be expelled if they didn't... I realised being bad, and a disappointment at least made them pay attention. And I was good at it!

I started drinking when I was 14, smoking pot when I was 15, and by the time I was 18, I already had a problem with both. Left home as soon as I could and partied, and partied and partied. I took whatever was on offer, looking back, I'm grateful it was here in South Africa, because there wasn't too much hard stuff around, so it was uppers and downers but mainly alcohol, it made me badass, and people were wary of me and left me alone..

As soon as I finished studying I left for Europe, and lived in Amsterdam for a few years where things really got going, coke, speed, e's more pot and of course more alcohol.. I didn't think I had a problem and I made it to work everyday, and career wise I was acing it. So I thought anyway.. I guess if I'd ben straight who knows what I could have accomplished.

Left Amsterdam to live in the UK, for a man... Who was definitely an alcoholic, but I was oblivious, and joined in wholeheartedly. It didn't last long, he was emotionally abusive, he made me emotionally abusive, and we spiralled out of control very quickly! Thankfully I had the sense to get out of the relationship as soon as I did, and went back to relatively manageable life. For a while... Trying to recall the turn of events is hard (not to mention painful..) and it's late here in SA, so I shall continue another time, mind is foggy tonight.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Lisa
Birthday:	14 March 1969
Birthplace:	Pretoria, South Africa
Current Location:	Durban, South Africa
Eye Color:	khaki
Hair Color:	blonde/brown
Height:	1m 80cm
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
Your Heritage:	Dutch/Indonesian
The Shoes You Wore Today:	kickass black boots
Your Weakness:	confrontations
Your Fears:	cockroaches, feeling insignificant
Your Perfect Pizza:	rocket, camembert and chilli jam
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	staying sober, being content and paying my bills
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
Thoughts First Waking Up:	f@ck no!!
Your Best Physical Feature:	lips
Your Bedtime:	late
Your Most Missed Memory:	thinking life was wonderful as a kid
Pepsi or Coke:	coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	burger king
Single or Group Dates:	single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	latte
Do you Smoke:	yes
Do you Swear:	yes
Do you Sing:	yes
Do you Shower Daily:	yes
Have you Been in Love:	not sure
Do you want to go to College:	been
Do you want to get Married:	??? why...
Do you belive in yourself:	mostly
Do you get Motion Sickness:	no
Do you think you are Attractive:	yes
Are you a Health Freak:	no
Do you get along with your Parents:	mostly
Do you like Thunderstorms:	one of my favourite things
Do you play an Instrument:	no
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	no
In the past month have you Smoked:	yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no, it's winter...
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	too often
Ever been called a Tease:	not really
Ever been Beaten up:	no
Ever Shoplifted:	yes
How do you want to Die:	in a blaze of glory (no, just quickly)
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	don't know
What country would you most like to Visit:	so many... peru, indonesia, zanzibar(not technically a country though)
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	blue
Favourite Hair Color:	dark
Short or Long Hair:	short
Height:	<1.80m
Weight:	75 - 90kg
Best Clothing Style:	alternative
Number of Drugs I have taken:	can't recall
Number of CDs I own:	100+
Number of Piercings:	none anymore, 8 before that
Number of Tattoos:	none
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	lost count
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

honesty, ambition, kindness and sincerity.
design, art, music

insincerity,
self rightousness,
meanness,
controlling people,
cockroaches,
Celine Dion, James Blunt

Jimi Hendrix, Neil Young, Rolling Stones, Smashing Pumpkins, Faith No More,
The Clash,
Ben Harper,The Smiths,
Blue October,
Chris Isaac,
Massive Attack,
Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds,
Travis, Sex Pistols, Pulp, The Doves, Gotan Project, Zero 7, Thievery Corporation,
Mano Negro & so much more...

The little prince, Fear and loathing in las vegas, Marian Keyes, Fever Pitch, Prozac Nation, Eat Pray Love, and many more...

Leon, Atonement, Amelie, Citizen Dog, Girl Interrupted, The Piano, Lord of the Rings, The Usual Suspects, Fargo, The Big Lebowski, Driving Lessons, Pulp Fiction, Bram Stokers' Dracula, Manon des Sources, The Commitments, Very Annie Mary, Bridget Jones' Diary, Kill Bill....

reading, photography, art, live music(watching)
swimming