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POSTED BY: fbgirl on Jan 17, 2009 [ QUOTE ]


I feel so alone in my addiction.  I don't have problems with alcohol or even nictotine anymore.  I am addicted to caffeine, but I think all of society is.  I have never used illicit drugs and never imagined that I would ever be an addict of anything.  I used to consider myself a person with integrity who possessed honesty, now I feel like a total fraud; living a life that no one knows about.  I don't share my addiction with anyone and feel like pain pills are the only way that I get out of bed in the morning.  They are the only thing that protects my sanity, my abilities and basically my whole existance.  I don't know how I got here.  I've never judged anyone for cocaine, marijuana, methamphetamine.  I just never had any interest in any of them.  Is there anyone else out there that is like me?  An educated professional who is scared, a coward and above all...someone who is in real trouble.





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"I'll let you see me; I'll covet your regard."
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POSTED BY: JanWSOS on Jan 30, 2009 [ QUOTE ]


Hello fbgir,

My name is Jan (male despite name). I had a serious addiction to benzos (like Valium, Xanax) and alcohol, and I relate to your loneliness and pain. I used my substances to be able to do everything from talking on the phone to being intimate with my then wife. I lost it all, wife, career, etc. and continued to use anyway. The way I got out of the addiction trap was to go to treatment, and, there, very releuctantly, reach out in prayer to a source of spiritual strength that I called God, but didn't believe in, got honest about my addiction and how it hurt me, and went to 12 Step meetings. Over time without the drugs and alcohol and doing what I just said, I was able to stay abstinent and come to believe that the strength I developed to stay abstinent and live through the pain and fear, was from that source of spiritual strength that I was communicating with. I am now 31 years clean and sober. I hope this helps. Don't give up.
Jan W.





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Two Hatter: Recovering Addictions Counselor
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Sep 08, 2010