I've
dealt
with
depression
since
I
was
11yrs
old
after
I
was
molested
by
this
man
that
had
burn
scars
all
over
his
face
and
he
scared
me
and
I
remember
wishing
he'd
die
for
what
he
did
to
me
and
when
I
was
about
14-15yrs
old
he
got
beaten
to
death
in
a
different
state.
When
I
found
out
I
felt
so
guilty
because
I
felt
like
it
was
my
fault
because
I
wished
it
for
so
long
that
it
has
happened.
I'd
have
nightmares
of
him
but
it
was
always
the
same
in
every
nightmare.
I'd
end
up
dreaming
of
that
night
that
man
molested
me
and
have
to
relive
everything
that
happened
that
night.
I
started
using
meth
at
age
20
once
I
took
the
first
hit
and
exhaled
I
felt
suddenly
relieved.
I
started
smiling
again,
I
didn't
have
to
worry
about
nightmares,
I
felt
more
normal
when
I
was
high
then
I
did
when
I
wasn't
high.
I
was
able
to
hide
my
addiction
from
my
family
and
a
lot
of
my
friends.
I
use
to
get
high
before
goin
to
spend
time
with
them
and
no
one
could
tell
that
there
was
anything
wrong
with
me.
I
had
a
job
for
almost
7yrs
at
a
gas
station
until
last
year
they
fired
me
for
1
call
no
show
even
though
it
was
my
first
no
call
no
show
since
starting
with
the
company
7yrs
before.
Since
then
my
life
hasnt
been
the
same.
I
don't
have
a
criminal
record,
never
been
to
jail
before
but
I
find
myself
taking
more
and
more
chances
to
use
that
I'm
not
being
as
careful
as
I
once
was.
I'm
just
at
a
lose
as
to
what
to
do
anymore.
I'm
hoping
I
can
stay
on
the
right
track
with
my
addiction
and
not
relapse,
but
only
time
will
tell
