Im a recovering heroin addict on methadone. I have done every drug available and more for the last 12 years and im sick an tired. I want to be better and have a 'normal' life. Back in the old days i tried, and tried, and tried, to get as far away from having a normal, boring life and just wanted to do anything that would help me get out of my own head .But now'a'days a normal life seems like the best, most exciting thing i could have and i hope one day i get one!
In a way i can honestly say i am glad that i know about this other world of drugs...the underground world. For a long, long time, all i wanted to do was be a part of it but now i want to run as fast as i can to get away from it. I have punished myself for so long for putting myself in this position,whatever about other drugs an the effects thev've had on me, heroin has most definatley been the absloute destroyer of the life i once had. Once i got into the grips of heroin addiction i changed into a complete other person. A person im ashamed of, a person that did so many f@cked up, horrible things that make me feel sick even now when i think of them.Trying to get off gear Its the hardest thing i have ever had to cope with in my whole life an i can honestly say that i wouldnt wish this infliction on me worst enemy , but, i am trying really hard to get away from that life and am proud to say that i havent taken heroin for 4 months. That doesnt mean to say i dont think about doing it every day and dont battle with myself about doing it constantly...becuase i do, but, i know i have to try really really hard to stay away from it no matter how wonderful, beautiful and amazing it is because i know now what it does to me in the long run - Bad sh*t.

Iv wanted to start work again for ages because iv been so far out of 'normal' society for so long i really want to get back in there an feel like an everyday person for a while! (even though il probably regret it when i do, no more sleeping late hahah)so i applied for a few jobs an got one!! i start tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have thought about being a counsellor for a long time, even when i was young ,so now, iv decided to apply for an Addiction studies course which starts in septmeber an runs for 1 yr, then after that, if i like it, go for the Diploma in Addiction couselling.....

Its funny, as im writing this it seems crazy that IM actually doing all these things........ and that i actually WANT to do them!!! it couldnt be a more different life than the one i was living only a few months ago.

I always feel that my life isnt good enough, there's something more. I very emotional. Im hurt easially although i have a thick skin. I feel like an outsider alot. Im doubtful of myself. Im defensive. Im also a happy,kind,compassionate,sometimes hyper caring person who just wants to be me and im working hard on the bad stuff.........

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Kiz
Birthday:	1986
Birthplace:	Dublin, Ireland
Current Location:	Dublin
Eye Color:	Blue
Hair Color:	Brown
Height:	5'3
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Righty
Your Heritage:	A load of irish stuff im not too interested
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Brown boots, there new and i love them
Your Weakness:
Your Fears:	The dark and myself on occasions
Your Perfect Pizza:	Chicken & Pineapple
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Get off methadone and go to college
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	BRB
Thoughts First Waking Up:	f@ck, is it this time already
Your Best Physical Feature:	Dont know....
Your Bedtime:	Whenever i get tired, which usually isnt till late
Your Most Missed Memory:	Partyin for days and getting f@cked up
Pepsi or Coke:	Neither
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Burger king
Single or Group Dates:	Both, depends on how well u know ur date
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Neither
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	Yes
Do you Swear:	Yes,probably too much aswell
Do you Sing:	Yea but not very well, you wouldnt like it haha
Do you Shower Daily:	Yeah
Have you Been in Love:	Yeah.....still am
Do you want to go to College:	Yes, hoping to go in september
Do you want to get Married:	Not sure
Do you belive in yourself:	Im starting too
Do you get Motion Sickness:	No
Do you think you are Attractive:	Im ok i suppose
Are you a Health Freak:	Eh...NO
Do you get along with your Parents:	With my ma , love her to bits
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Only if im curled up in bed
Do you play an Instrument:	Used to play piano and recorder
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	Yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Yes
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	No, but im going on one tonight!!!!
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yeah, too many times
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Not a chance
In the past month have you been on Stage:	No
In the past month have you been Dumped:	No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No, im very boring these days
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Yes but it was a complete accident and i brought it back when i noticed
Ever been Drunk:	Yeah
Ever been called a Tease:	No
Ever been Beaten up:	Once
Ever Shoplifted:	Too many times
How do you want to Die:	Happy
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	A good , happy person
What country would you most like to Visit:	The carribean
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Brown
Favourite Hair Color:	Dark
Short or Long Hair:	Short
Height:	Tall -ish
Weight:	Good build, not to thin
Best Clothing Style:	Depends on the person
Number of Drugs I have taken:	Eh- all of them?!!
Number of CDs I own:	god i havent a clue, alot
Number of Piercings:	13
Number of Tattoos:	3
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	Alot, but i wouldnt say regret cos i learned a lesson from everything
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

My friends/family,talkig to people, animals, shopping,tv,the sun...espicially when it shows its face in ireland twice a year!! really love my puppy Jessi, i got her just after i went in to treatment and some days, when things were really bad, having to look after her was the only thing getting me out of bed..... meeting new people,reading books-especially true life storys,the summer, being happy, being loved, being in love,reggae music,my car,sleeping,lying in bed when its raining outside,writing

2 faced people, fakeness,liars,having my heart broken,addiction,depression,What drugs can do to peoples lives...its scary,ignorance,fighting,people who look down on other people,ignorance,bossy people.....

UB40,Bob Marley,Eddie Halliewll,Sven Vath,Dave Clarke,Christy Moore,The Dubliners,The Pouges,Razorlight, Damien Marley,Kanye West,Rhianna,Kelly Clarkson,Pink Floyd, favorite song- PIMPASS PARADISE, DAMIEN MARLEY. i think that song was written about me!!!!!1

Love true crime books,some fiction& biographys.i just read PS.I LOVE YOU,THE JOY,STREETWISE,LYN MADDEN-LYNS ESCAPE,NO DEALS,WASTED,STILL STANDING,.Also liked The Testemant,True CSI,Toni Felloni,Gangland,The General and am also 'trying' to write my own book!!!!!!!!

scarface-a classic.pulp fiction,running scared,blow,adam & paul,mary higgins clarke dvds,freddy got fingered,borat,me myself and irene,legally blonde-i have a bit of a soft spot for the 'chick flicks' :)

I dont know if i have any 'real' hobbies... what are hobbies? sports, dancing...?? well i am definatley not a sports person! i guess im into cars, really love animals, im almost a competitive shopper!, love listening to music, going out with my friends.......did used to really enjoy taking drugs but i guess that should be in my 'Dislike' column now?!

Youth in Recovery, the NA Way