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MY NAME IS CASSANDRA & I'M AN ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT
AND MY BLOOD GROUP IS AA POSITIVE. LOL..
I AM THE YOUNGEST OF 6 CHILDREN
MY FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC BUT DIDN'T KNOW IT
MY MOTHER SUFFERED FROM MANIC DEPRESSION & WAS INSTITUTIONALIZED OFTEN
DUE TO HER MANY ATTEMPTED SUICIDES & MANIC BEHAVIOR
I WAS CONSTANTLY BEATEN & ABUSED PHYSICALLY, MENTAL & EMOTIONALLY BY MY FATHER, 2 BROTHERS & MY MOTHER.
I BEGAN DRINKING ALCOHOL AT 15 TO ESCAPE THE FEAR THAT I LIVED IN ALL MY LIFE.
AT 16 I BEGAN RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME REGULARLY TO ESCAPE THE ABUSE.
EVENTUALLY AT THE AGE OF 16 & HALF I WAS PUT INTO A GIRLS HOME (CLASSIFIED AS "UNCONTROLLABLE")
NATURALLY I WAS PISSED OFF AT BEING LOCKED UP, BUT IT SAVED MY LIFE IN MANY WAYS
AS AT LEAST WHILE THERE, THE ABUSE STOPPED UNTIL MY RELEASE ONE DAY BEFORE I TURNED 18
THEN IT WAS BACK HOME TO THE INSANITY, CHAOS & ABUSE
I SIMPLY CONTINUED TO DRINK, BUT MANAGED TO HOLD DOWN A GOOD JOB WHILE STILL LIVING AT HOME
I MET A GUT AT 19, FELL PREGNANT BUT ABANDONED BY THE FATHER BEFORE MY SON'S BIRTH.
SO I BECAME A YOUNG SINGLE MOTHER BUT THE DRINKING CONTINUED.
I DID THE BEST I COULD TO BE A GOOD MOTHER..I WORKED 3 JOBS & TRIED TO CONTROL MY DRINKING
HOWEVER, MY DRINKING ONLY GOT WORSE & THEN CAME THE DRUGS
POT SMOKING, SPEED & PILLS OF ALL SORTS
AS A NURSE, I KNEW WHAT COCKTAILS TO MIX FOR WHATEVER EFFECT I NEEDED.
BY THE AGE OF APRROX. 25 I KNEW I HAD A DRINKING PROBLEM BUT DID NOT REALLY WANT TO STOP
SO I BEGAN TO CONTROL DRINK..THIS WORKED ON & OFF FOR A WHILE BUT BEFORE LONG
I WAS DRINKING MORE THAN EVER & TAKING COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF PILLS ON A DAILY BASIS.
THIS WENT ON FOR YEARS & I WAS IN & OUT OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS.
I WENT THROUGH ONE FAILED MARRIAGE WITH A MAN WHO DID NOT THINK HE A DRINKING PROBLEM.
I KNEW HE DID BUT I COULD NOT SEE MY PROBLEM..I WAS IN TOTAL DENIAL I GUESS.lol.
ANYWAY, I FINALLY LEFT HIM BUT MAINLY SO I COULD DRINK & DRUG THE WAY I WANTED TO.
I DRAGGED MY SON THROUGH ALL THE CHAOS OF MY ADDICTIONS..NO WONDER MY SON WENT ON TO BECOME AN ADDICT
BUT I AM BLESSED TODAY COS HE IS IN RECOVERY NOW
AND WE ATTEND MANY MEETINGS TOGETHER & HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP AGAIN.
MY ROCK BOTTOM CAME AT THE AGE OF 44 WHEN I FOUND MYSELF IN THE GUTTER AFTER A 4 DAY BINGE
FILTHY DIRTY, LIVING OUT OF MY CAR & BREAKING IN TO THE LOCAL SURF CLUB TO HAVE A SLAP UP WASH
I'D CLEAN MY TEETH WITH WHATEVER ALCOHOL I HAVE ON ME WITH NO TOOTH BRUSH ETC..
I COULD NOT BELIEVE I HAD SUNK SO LOW & WONDERED WHERE MY LIFE HAD GONE & HOW THE HELL & HOW I HAD ENDED UP LIVING IN HELL...COS THAT WHERE I WAS...HELL!!!
I SWALLOWED MY PRIDE & CALLED MY BROTHER (the only surviving one that beat the worst)
BY THIS TIME MY PARENTS HAD BOTH PASSED AWAY & I HAD NOWHERE ELSE TO GO.
MY BROTHER ALLOWED ME TO LIVE IN THE FAMILY HOME AS HE HELD THE DEEDS TO THE HOUSE
I ATTENDED MY FIRST MEETING OF AA & WAS HORRIFIED COS I IDENTIFIED & THAT WAS SCARY
I KEPT GOING TO MEETINGS & DETOXED ALONE..DUMB.. COS I COULD HAVE DIED FROM HEART FAILURE OR A BRAIN SEIZURE
BUT I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT DETOXING AND DID NOT KNOW I NEEDED REHAB...
I HAVE NO DOUBT GOD WAS LOOKING AFTER ME & FOR THAT I AM SO GRATEFUL.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I STAYED SOBER FOR 15 MONTHS COS I WANTED TO DRINK EVER DAY DURING THAT TIME.
I KEPT GOING TO MEETINGS SO I'M SURE THAT'S THE ONLY WAS I MANAGED TO NOT PICK UP.
I THEN HAD AN EMOTIONAL BREAK DOWN & PICKED UP FOR ONE DAY. I WENT BACK TO THE ROOMS OF AA & SHARED ABOUT MY SLIP.
I STAYED SOBER FOR ANOTHER 3 & HALF YEARS WITH REGULAR ATTENDANCE AT MEETINGS
BUT PICKED AGAIN AFTER ANOTHER EMOTIONAL EVENT (I nursed my sister in law & was with her when she died from Cancer at home..my brother was no help..the prick.)
THIS WAS JUST SOMETHING I COULDN'T HANDLE ON MY OWN SO I DID WHAT CAME NATURALLY..I DRANK.
ONCE AGAIN I ONLY PICKED FOR THE ONE DAY & GOT BACK TO THE ROOMS & SHARED ABOUT THIS SLIP.
THAT WAS ON THE 18TH MARCH 2004 & I HAVE REMAINED CLEAN & SOBER EVER SINCE,
BY THE GRACE OF GOD & THE LOVING PEOPLE IN THE ROOMS. ..ONE DAY AT A TIME.
