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"No man is so foolish but he may sometimes give another good counsel, and no man so wise that he may not easily err if he takes no other counsel than his own. He that is taught only by himself has a fool for a master. -Hunter S. Thompson"

JOB: Chillin
SOBER SINCE: March 10, 2007
MEMBER SINCE: April 6, 2007
POINTS: [ 69 ]
GENDER: Female
LOCATION: North Carolina, United States
AGE: 42
LAST LOGIN: 05.28.07

[ ADD ME ]

I'd like to finally finish my Associates degree and get on with my "real" college life in my favorite subject(s): literature and writing. The only thing in my way is 2 PE credits and an elective. Gym class is actually holding me back from a degree...believe it.

Since I've become more comfortable after exploring the site I'll share the more personal reasons I'm here. I started drinking when I was 12, liquor not beer. Kept that up until age 21 (ironically). Pot was always present and I was a wake and bake pothead from 19-28 years old (I'm 33 now). Tried powder cocaine when I was 19 and did it on and off with no major problems (in my sick mind) then, on my 30th birthday, I sent a fried out for some powder for the party and he came back with hard, i.e., crack. I loved it from the first hit I blew out. I never felt that extreme pleasure again. Something I've learned is physically impossible through treatment but chased that 1st high until September 2006 when I lost my job, home and my mind. I moved out of the city I was living in because I sh*tted in every sandbox there and there was no way I could live anywhere near there after the years of ruining my life in all parts of the city. I moved to live with my parents where I live now and am in intensive outpatient treatment at a wonderful program sponsored by The United Way. One day a week is family day, and I have to say it's pure hell to disappoint my family week after week with new things they didn't know. I've worked through some of these issues in group and through journaling, but my parents are older and don't have a clue about drugs and addiction and are therefore horrified and hurt and DEFINITELY don't deserve it. They helped save me from myself. I'm starting NA meetings with two members of my outpatient group pretty soon. Ironically one of them lives on my street. We never knew that and the only place that is known is in group. We keep our privacy at home. Yeah we can carpool to NA maybe, but I think that's risky to both our sobrieties (did I say that right?) So here I am. This looks like a great place to be online when I'm not reading about my addiction, doing exercises from group, journaling and going to NA (when I start). I look forward to getting to know everyone and hope I'm not alone as a crack addict. In my outpatient group of 13 I'm 1 of 2 addicted to crack, so I feel like I'm the worst of the worst. Most of the others are alcoholics or pill addicts. I know...addiction is addiction, but it's an insecurity inside my head that I will probably overcome as my recovery progresses.

Open-minded people, US National Parks, original music, Adult Swim.

Fake people suck. I don't like cubicle-land which is where I've found myself for the past 10 years.

[This member only allows comments from his/her friends.]

From: Dtest
June 26, 2009, 11:38 am

Nice One

March 11, 2009, 2:46 pm
happy b day hope all is well


use the chat room its fun

From: bosndave
June 21, 2008, 4:36 pm
hey. been gone awhile and just seem to get on here from time to time. getting ready to go back out to sea, but wanted to stop in and say hi and thanks for being my friend. hope all is well..dave


if i don't stand for something, i'll fall for anything

From: CT
February 29, 2008, 12:07 pm


From: bert
February 12, 2008, 1:14 pm

Mr. Brown is a clown who rides to town in a Datsun

Social Distortion, Flogging Molly, The Briggs, The Riverboat Gamblers, The Street Dogs, Turbonegro, David Bowie, The Perfect Storm Score, H.I.M., Fergie, Courtney Love, Jay-Z, Kris Kristofferson, Willie Nelson, Wolfmother, Alice Cooper, The Ramones, Iggy Pop, Ice Cube, Velvet Revolver, Betty Blowtorch, Lou Reed

Anything by Hunter S Thompson, Arthur Miller, Biographies and other non-fiction...Prozac Nation, Girl Interrupted, Imperial Life in the Emerald City Inside Iraq's Green Zone, When You Ride Alone You Ride with Bin Laden, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, White Lines: Writers On Cocaine, The Politically Incorrect Guide to English and American Literature, White Lines (by Tracy Brown), Fast Lives: Women Who Use Crack Cocaine

Fear Loathing In Las Vegas, The Big Lebowski, Reservoir Dogs, A Clockwork Orange, Full Metal Jacket, Alfred Hitchcock (all), Rocky Horror Picture Show, John Waters (all), Halloween, Trainspotting, Dazed Confused, Half Baked, American Beauty, The Rules of Attraction, Super Size Me, Bowling For Columbine, Easy Rider, The Slums of Beverly Hills, The Ice Storm, Go!, Jackie Brown, Pulp Fiction, Kevin Smith, The Secretary, Finding Forrester, Big Fish, The Shining, Scarface, Richard Pryor (all), Gummo, Kids, The Hills Have Eyes II, Waiting, Friday, When the Levees Broke

International Cuisines: Thai, Vietnamese, Indian, and authentic Mexican and Italian food. Taking care of my too many animals, road trips (too poor right now), always looking for new and original music, radio and MTV suck these days.

May 28, 2007, 12:57 am
For the past month to month & a half I've been bedridden with a re-occurance of endometriosis, scar tissue from previous endometriosis surgery and a hernia just above my right hip bone. Thought I
should explain why I haven't' been
..... [ READ MORE ]

April 14, 2007, 3:45 am
April 8, 2007, 5:22 am