I
had
written
a
blog
before
saying
that
my
sponsor
had
relapsed,
but
he
managed
to
use
the
manipulating
addict
mind,
to
manipulate
my
manipulating
mind.
Turns
out,
he
lied
to
me,
lied
to
everyone
including
his
tough
ass
sponsor,
who
will
hopefully
become
mine.
No
one
knows
exactly
the
full
truth,
what
to
believe
or
not.
He
had
left
home
and
went
and
was
staying
with
his
pill
pushing
son,
so
I
know
that
is
no
good.
Yesterday
he
did
not
show
up
to
the
meeting,
so
those
of
us
who
care
for
him
were
quite
upset
by
it.
I
talked
to
his
sponsor
at
the
end
of
the
meeting
when
everyone
else
had
left.
He
asked
me
if
i
had
noticed
any
changes
with
my
ex-spons,
so
I
told
him
what
I
saw.
That
I
noticed
that
for
about
the
past
month
I
had
noticed
that
his
eyes
had
changed,
they
were
not
the
big
bright
eyes
they
were,
they
have
the
more
chilled
out
"ive
been
using
look".
I
told
him
that
this
all
could
just
be
my
imagination,
but
he
then
told
me
that
is
what
he
had
noticed
also
and
I
was
not
wrong.
Im
sure
he
has
other
reasons
to
believe
he
is
using.
I
first
started
really
believing
it
when
someone
who
I
work
with,
who
is
roommates
with
his
son
came
to
me
one
day
and
told
me
"things
are
not
always
as
they
seem"
When
I
pondered
he
told
me
that
(lets
call
him
papa
smurf)
papa
smurf
had
come
over
a
few
nights
earlier
and
"got
down
on
half
a
big
guy"
I
knew
exactly
what
he was
talking
about
and
I
am
sure
you
all
do
too.
I
didnt
want
to
believe
it,
but
then
really
analyzing
him
at
the
next
meeting
I
looked
into
his
eyes
again
and
knew
what
I
thought
was
right.
My
clear
eyes
were
not
playing
tricks
on
me.
So
I
am
almost
certain
that
papa
smurf
is
using
again
and
it
just
kind
of
sucks.
I
have
gotton
over
the
whole
worry
about
myself
stuff
dealing
with
this.
I
am
now
just
concerend
with
papa
smurf,
hoping
he
is
being
safe
and
nothing
bad
happens.
I
had
called
him
yesterday,
left
him
a
nice
message
and
all,
but
still
a
day
later,
nothing
back.
So
yup
I
am
concerned.
I
hope
that
I
will
see
him
outside
the
meeting
when
I
pull
up
smoking
a
butt
as
usual
and
I
can
join
him,
and
that
he
will
be
honest
with
me.
I
have
told
him
lots
of
stuff
since
he
had
been
my
sponsor,
I
really
think
he
owes
me
some
honesty.
Our
relationship
is
based
on
trust
and
how
can
I
even
remain
friends
with
someone
who
I
know
is
a
complete
liar,
and
wont
own
up
to
one
of
his
closest
friends.
So
that
all
sucks
but
I
will
keep
him
in
my
thoughts
and
hopefully
hear
from
him
tomorrow
and
see
him
at
the
meeting.
On
a
positive
note,
I
got
to
hang
out
with
a
special
friend
last
night
who
I
hadnt
seen
in
a
long
time
now
and
it
really
made
me
happy
and
helped
get
the
whole
other
drama
out
of
my
head.
Really
meant
a
lot
to
me
and
hope
to
see
this
person
again
soon
because
they
made
me
feel
so
much
better
about
everything
just
being
there.
I
am
grateful
to
have
good
people
in
my
life
and
I
want
to
keep
them
there!
