So, I hear that my aunt has shingles. Being a germ a phobe anyway, I stired in it, anxiety filled me.  The thought of contracting it scared me.

I thought how if i had something like that I would stay home, but i know my family all too well, So i know she will be there.

So I thought of ways to get out of going the 4th.  I was going to come down with the flu. But instead i knew i was going to tell the truth and in doing so, i knew what it meant.  It meant Telling the truth and speaking my mind then being repermanded for doing so.   So i told my dad saturday morning, just as i guessed he would tell me i was worrying too much, i told him i didn't think id be going, I said don't want to hurt your feelings i just don't want to get sick.  What did he say, "OH chris i don't know why you think that way" You worry too much" I said if i get sick will you pay my doctor bill, If he was so sure he would say yes, but instead he made more insults about how rediculous it was i was making statments about not wanting to be around someone who carries contagous shingles (Chickenpox)  So He said do what i want to do.  My husbands mom called me about a yard sale item for my dad so i called him and asked him about it.
He rudely said, I don't f@ckING CARE ANYMORE, IM f@ckING PISSED OFF, DON"T TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW and he hung the phone up.  
Tears flead my eyes, i felt so much guilt, i feel like i was bad for feeling the way i did, and then for him to kick me and spit in my face like that.  I haven't talked to him in 2 days. He tried to call later that night, but I know how he is he will call and act like nothing ever happend.  So im upset about it. I don't like when my dad acts this way, It was all because i said i wasn't going to attend 4th because my aunt has a contagous virus. 
WHY DO I have to feel like I have to be passive and do what everyone else wants of me without even thinking of what I need.  Why do i get repremanded for having my feelings.  I am angry with my father.  I am half tempted to tell him what he did was not okay and is not acceptable.  But I feel its better to ignore him.  I think im protecting myself by saying that but its just starting more crap for him to tell me "OH THERE YOU GO STARTING YOUR sh*t AGAIN" thats what he will say. 
 Im very hurt by how he treats me.

 UPDATE

WELL ITS 12 midnight now...  and I got a message from my dad telling me, that i made him very mad and upset and that he felt attacked and that i ruined his day. That I should be a bit nicer in what i say to him ect.. That it made him very angry and he wasn't having a good day and that I should think about what I say to him.

So i left  a message back telling him I will not own his feelings. I only told him i wasn't going to my aunts because an aunt was ill.  I said nothing wrong, and his reaction of swearing at me and hanging up is not appropriate and will not be accepted.  I told him he hurt my feelings by the way he acts, i can't even tell him the truth with out him throwing a tantrum and that he should respect me and if i have decisions I make  i should be allowed to feel what I feel and i am trying to be independent and stand up for what i feel. If i felt it wasn't safe i should be respected for my decsion but i am not owning his anger.  I said just as i am responsible for my feelings he is responsbile for his. There was nothing disrespectfult that came out of my mouth for my husband was sitting in front of me when i told him how i felt.  I am sure he will have something nasty to say like, Im playing the victim but i said all i was going to say and i told him i was letting it go. That i would not take responsibilty for his feelings.