I
know
the
dreams
come
&
go
so
I
try
not
to
let
them
rattle
me
too
much.
Right
around
my
first
anniversary
I
had
one
so
bad
I
felt
high
when
I
woke
up
and
I
thought
for
sure
I
had
used.
I
even
got
up
to
check
around
for
signs
I
had
used
(paraphernalia).
It
really
got
to
me.
They
have
never
stopped
completely
but
sometimes
they
are
memories
mixed
with
that
surreal
dream
stuff
and
those
don't
bother
me
at
all
really
because
they
are
the
past.
Plus
they
are
real
dreamy,
If
you
know
what
I
mean.
But
lately
it's
been
drinking.
Just
hanging
out
with
different
people
some
I
know
&
some
I
don't.
I
blow
my
sobriety
to
sit
in
the
local
bar
and
hang
out.
But
I
can
feel
it's
present
day
when
I
have
them.
It's
not
memories.
It
scares
me
a
little.
I
don't
really
believe
they
are
predictors
of
the
future
but
it
freaks
me
out
just
a
little.
One
in
particular
was
with
someone
I
haven't
spoken
with
since
before
I
got
clean
&
then
out
of
the
blue
I
heard
from
him.
We've
known
each
other
for
over
20
years
&
have
been
pretty
close
at
different
times
so
it's
not
odd
for
me
to
have
him
floating
around
in
my
head.
I
just
don't
know
if
I
should
continue
to
blow
them
off
or
take
them
as
warnings.
Like
I
said,
they
were
bad
in
the
beginning,
then
not
so
much
for
a
while,
now
they
seem
to
be
frequent
&
realistic
again
to
the
point
where
I
wake
up
in
a
cold
sweat
&
it
takes
a
second
to
orient
myself.
It
almost
feels
like
a
panic
attack
when
I
first
wake
up.
I
would
love
some
feedback
on
this,
Thank
you
for
listening.
~Theresa~
