Well
there
has
been
alot
going
on
these
last
few
weeks.
I
fell
in
the
same
trap
that
i
have
been
falling
in
for
most
of
my
life.
It
has
been
pointed
out
to
me
that
i
like
most
addicts
have
fallin
in
to
a
pattern
time
and
time
again.
It
seems
i
enjoy
falling
for
the
unavailable
women
so
i
get
what
i
have
alwaly
know
the
familiar
pain
of
rejection.
DONT
ask
me
Y
i
do
it
I
just
do.
however
this
last
one
was
not
my
fault.
thru
hanging
out
and
getting
close
to
someone
feelings
were
formed
and
when
i
tried
to
walk
away
she
just
had
to
throw
salt
on
and
open
wound.
by
telling
me
shes
in
a
commited
relationship,
when
i
told
her
my
feelings.
only
to
wait
two
weeks
to
tell
me
she
was
messin
around
with
someone
she
aint
in
the
commited
relationship
with.
for
the
first
two
day
it
hurt
like
hell,
i
wanted
to
use
to
cover
the
pain
but
i
knew
i
wasnt
cause
there
aint
no
reason
for
me
to
use
today
unless
i
simply
want
to.
i
reached
out
and
talked
with
my
sponsor
and
other
members
of
my
network
and
got
thru
it.
i
shared
it
at
a
meeting
and
someone
told
me.......
that
this
was
my
higher
power
doing
for
me
what
i
didnt
want
to
do
for
myself.
the
fact
that
the
person
she
is
messing
around
with
is
a
train
reck
waiting
to
happen.
and
my
higer
power
saw
it
fit
to
remove
me
from
her
life
temporarily
so
1
i
get
the
willingness
to
reevaluate
my
program
and
so
i
dont
try
and
pick
up
her
sh*t
when
she
falls
on
her
face
but
so
i
can
be
there
to
reach
out
and
help
her
back
up
when
she
falls.
not
that
i
have
a
moment
of
clarity
my
sponsor
and
i
have
both
aggreed
its
that
time
in
my
recovery
that
i
actually
do
my
fourth
step,
to
help
me
figure
out
the
true
nature
of
who
i
am.
so
all
in
all
when
i
dont
want
to
work
the
program
it
seems
to
find
the
way
to
work
me.
i
have
choices
today.....
i
can
sit
in
the
sh*t
or
i
can
walk
thru
it
and
get
to
the
other
side.
it
aint
easy
to
walk
thru
it
sometimes,
but
t
sure
is
a
hell
of
alot
safer
to
walk
thru
then
to
set
and
get
stuck
on
stupid
with
it.
so
if
your
new
and
u
dont
like
what
life
brings
deal
with
it
till
ya
get
to
the
other
side
cause
yeah
the
pain
of
walking
thru
it
is
a
hell
of
alot
better
than
going
back
to
active
use
