Imjustme
My URL: http://www.addictiontribe.com/imjustme
|
Why??????
| Mood: | Frustrated |
| Date: | Aug. 03, 2008 |
| Music: | |
I
have
had
such
a
difficult
past
few
weeks,
and
several
times,
I've
wondered
what
the
hell
I
am
doing
all
this
for?
Giving
up
seemed
liked
a
great
idea
for
a
few
fleeting
moments,
and
I've
been
a
mess.
I
am
struggling,
hurting,
over-sensitive,
and
stressed
to
the
max...God
please
tell
me
it
gets
better
and
that
this
too
shall
pass.
I
don't
understand
the
toxic
people
in
the
halls
of
AA,
who
can
claim
years
of
clean/sober
time
yet
be
so
sick
still,
and
purposely
try
to
drive
a
newcomer
away...What
is
it...Is
it
me?
Why
am
I
suddenly
a
target
for
these
two
women?
I
went
to
the
meeting
today
at
noon,
and
wanted
to
run,
all
through
the
meeting
they
sat
there
and
talked
about
me,
gave
me
dirty
looks,
glared
at
me,
and
other
people
notice
it,
so
I
know
it
is
not
my
imagination
working
over
time.
There
is
somewhat
of
a
history
there,
but
nothing
that
I
have
ever
done
to
either
woman
to
cause
such
hatred
and
discontent.
I
have
never
given
them
a
reason
to
view
me
as
the
enemy,
yet
that
is
how
I
feel,
like
they
are
purposely
trying
to
make
me
feel
like
I
don't
belong
there,
and
that
they
would
like
nothing
better
than
to
see
me
use
again.
I
think
they
would
even
go
buy
the
drugs
for
me
just
to
have
me
be
gone.
Now
everytime
I
hear
them
speak
at
meetings,
I
cringe,
because
every
word
proves
just
how
much
of
a
hypocrite
they
are,
and
they
have
even
slammed
me
in
the
middle
of
meetings,
not
saying
my
name,
but
making
it
clear
to
everyone
who
they
are
talking
about.
I
am
trying
so
hard
to
practice
the
principles.....but
it
is
hard,
I
can't
lie.
One
of
the
women,
pammie,
is
worried
I
want
her
man,
and
trust
me
I
don't...and
I
have
never
given
her
or
him
a
reason
to
think
that,
Ive
never
even
spoken
to
him,
well
except
on
one
occassion
when
he
talked
to
me,
but
that
was
it,
and
only
one
time.
I
purposely
avoid
this
man,
just
because
I
don't
need
the
added
sh*t....and
I
don't
think
that's
fair
to
him,
because
it
is
not
his
fault,
but
at
the
same
time,
it
just
isn't
worth
it
to
me,
to
have
to
deal
with
the
crap
that
goes
along
with
it.
This
same
woman,
approached
me
after
a
meeting
about
6
weeks
ago,
to
warn
me
about
another
member
of
aa,
whom
I
respect
greatly.
I
have
never
had
any
relationship
with
pammie,
and
why
she
felt
compelled
to
warn
me
about
anyone
is
beyond
me.
The
person
she
was
warning
me
about,
is
now
my
sponsor.
I
was
planning
on
asking
angela
(my
sponsor)
to
be
my
support
on
the
very
day
I
was
given
a
warning
about
her.
I
knew
it
was
all
bull,
and
was
upset
that
anyone
would
talk
that
way
about
her,
as
I
had
been
watching
her
for
a
few
weeks
while
I
was
searching
for
a
sponsor...She
works
a
hard
and
honest
program,
and
this
pammie
came
up
to
me
and
said
she
would
only
use
me
for
my
cloths,
shoes,
etc,
and
pammie
didn't
want
to
see
me
get
used
like
that
cuz
she
liked
me,
and
she
had
seen
this
done
to
others,
and
didn't
want
me
to
fall
victim
to
Angela...
Well
I
was
clear
on
that
day,
that
I
did
not
need
to
be
warned,
and
that
same
day
is
when
I
finally
got
the
courage
to
ask
angela
to
be
my
sponsor...thankfully
she
accepted...
But
now,
I
am
a
target,
because
I
choose
to
be
with
the
healthier
members...is
that
such
a
crime??
what
is
it
about
me
that
makes
people
hate
me
so
much...am
I
that
defective?
I
just
hope
it
gets
better...
so
I
need
to
regain
my
focus...and
just
do
my
own...and
go
forward...is
that
ok???am
i
going
to
be
ok/??
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