| Users- old_crazy_woman Blog

"today i choose not to drink i choose to live"

Mood: Angry
Date: Jun. 10, 2009

like it says up top i'm so mad right now i could spit nails....i could grind them up to dust that when i spit out whats left there wouldn't be....i have been mad before..but this for me is unforgiveable...i love my kids..i would walk through hell with them...but ....when you break your trust with me...that is another thing..i have rules in my house,,this is our house a place where me and my husband can run away too..and shut out the outside world...just the two of us..and then my kids had to move back home..lost jobs,cant' afford to move to another house has always been there for them..but the rules have always been don't bring ANYONE INTO MY talk with us and give a chance to think about it...and then you get an answer..sometimes yes ,,sometimes no...but  you don't sneak anyone into my house your butt is out..with my boot up rule was broken...a trust was broken...i am so mad right now...but i'm sober...i didn't lose it..nice fingernail marks in my wall...and i think i broke my front door...but that can be fixed...and my kid still breaths...but i'm having a hard time right now ...trying to remember that anger is not the now that i'm back in my house cause i couldn't come home..i'm writing this down...because if i don't be honsest i don't know what will happen...please pray for me..pray that my program is stronger than my me please...ocw


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June 11, 2009, 12:35 am

Sending you positive energy and love that a peaceful solution presents itself. My home is my zen place as well... I totally understand!


Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less

June 10, 2009, 9:18 pm

 OK Bear I know this feeling. I have three beautiful children. Kim, 21 Mike, 19 and Faythann 13. In the last years of my active addiction my two oldest were very angry and disrespectful on many occasions. I would, many time over react with anger that did not match the crime. My war cry was “THIS IS MY HOUSE” or “I’M YOUR FATHER”. After being clean for two years my anger has lessened A LOT. Amazingly so has theirs along with their disrespect. My daughter moved out before I got clean and I threw my son out after I was clean for about 4 months because he did not want to obey the rules. He had a girl friend and you know how young love can be. He thought he had the right at 17 to stay out all night because he was sleeping at his girls house. I told him thats not how it works. He could stay out with our permission but that was not going to happen a lot because I didn’t think it was a good idea him staying at his girls house. Well he just kept acting out with anger and disrespect until I gave him his freedom. After a few weeks he realized he made a mistake but it was to late. He just moved back at 19 and the rules are different because of his age. I had my mind made up on how it was going to be and then realized that part of it was having to be control. Don’t get this twisted. MY HOUSE IS MY HOUES and YOUR HOUSE IS YOUR HOUSE and rules will be obeyed or my children are fee to find a better place to live. I guess I had to gage my anger to fit the crime if you will and be a little flexible. You did the right thing Bear – Talk about it – Talk about it – Talk about it. Hang in there my sister. At the end of the day does the anger that we show  cause more damage then the reason that caused our angry?            


Life is all about the journey

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