today
was
a
very
insightful
day...i
talked
things
over
with
my
husband
today..i
talked
things
over
with
my
sisters
today
...and
i
found
out
..that
when
life
goes
sour..dump
it
and
start
fresh..this
has
been
a
very
taxing
week..but
yes,
i
did
learn
something,
i
learned
that
when
my
program
and
my
higher
power
no
longer
work
i
need
to
find
something
that
does..and
i
did..i
looked
at
myself
yesterday, as
i
sat
in
a
void,
i
didn't
feel
alone,i
wasn't
scared,i
wasn't
feeling
anything..except
sadness,a
deep
heavy
sadness..i
was
looking
at
everyone
and
everything
as
my
enemy,,from
my
point
of
view,,,,everyone
can
do
as
they
want,do
as
they
want,say
what
they
want,,but
as
for
me...i
had
to
the
walk
the
stright
and
narrow,,,if
i
so
much
as
looked
or
said
anything
that
wasn't
set
up
by
my
program,,i
was
screwed...i
got
to
a
point
that
i
just
didn't
care
anymore...no
matter
what
i
did..it
was
wrong..so
i
dumped
everything..my
program,
i
said
goodbye
to
my
higher
power,,i
said
goodbye
to
my
soberity,,,
this
morning
i
woke
up
at
4.45....and
i
listened
to
the
quiet
of
the
morning..i
saw
fog..but
i
also
saw
the
fog
being
lifted
up
and
then
soon
the
fog
was
gone...today
i
took
back
what
was
mine...i
made
up
mind
to
start
over,,i
no
longer
just
want
to
be
sober...i
want
everything
that
goes
with
being
sober...not
just
what
the
big
book
has
promised
me...i
want
it
all...i
want
to
know,that
i
matter
at
the
end
of
the
day...today
i
have
taken
back
what
is
mine...the
right
to
say
no...the
right
to
be
a
child
of
the
world,the
right
to
be
a
woman..who
can
love
and
be
loved,,,a
woman
who
has
friends
and
never
has
to
wonder??
am
i
accepted??
because
today
i
am
accepted,,,,i
hit
rock
bottom
in
my
life
this
week...and
by
the
grace
of
god...i
stand
in
front
of
you
all...a
new
woman..who
now
understands
that
no
matter
how
strong
i
am...i
am
just
human...someone
who
can
be
hurt,,someone
who
can
cry,,,someone
that
is
not
afraid
to
say...i'm
done..i
can't
do
this
on
my
own
anymore..and
i
need
help...today
i
started
on
a
new
journey...where
it's
gonna
take
me
...i
don't
know....but
as
long
as
i
put
one
foot
in
front
of
the
other...and
hold
on
...i'm
gonna
make
it...
we
have
cut
all
ties
with
our
oldest
son...he
will
not
be
moving
back
in,,,nor
is
he
allowed
to
come
into
our
house,,he
will
get
no
more
money
from
us...for
any
reason...my
husband
as
told
him...you
are
on
your
own...and
when
that
was
said...a
huge
weight
has
been
lifed
from
our
lives...we
are
going
to
be riding
our
bike
tomorrow,
something
tht
we
have
not
done
in
awhile...our
youngest
son..is
going
to
his
best
friends
house
all
day
tomorrow,,something
that
he
hasn't
done
in
awhile...and
no
i'm
not
saying
that
this
is
our
oldest
son
fault..and
i'm
not
trying
to
say
that
we
had
nothing
to
do
with
this...because
out
of
love..we
made
it
our
fault...we
allowed
things
to
go
on
with
out
taking
care
of
it
as
it
can
up...we
are
now
taking
back
what
is
ours...and
letting
the
rest
go...
as
for
my
life
going
sour....yes
it
did...but
i
have
taken
back
what
is
mine...i
now
know
that
god
walks
with
me
every
step
of
the
way...as
for
my
program..yes i
will
live
by
the
steps..do
my
meetings...but
i
will
also
live
life
on
lifes
terms..and
not
be
afraid
to
look
at
the
outside
of
the
box...i
have
to
learn
that
it's
ok
to
take
chances,,,,it's
ok
to
just
be
me...thanks
for
listening
to
me
whine,,,thanks
for
being
there..and
thanks
for
believeing
in
me
,,,when
i
no
longer
could...i
have
imbraced
my
soberity..i
have
felt
the
sun
today..and
i
felt
the
tear
run
down
my
cheek,,,not
tears
of
saddness,,but
of
forgiveness,of
love,and
understanding,,,i
have
a
renewed
faith,
in
people,in
god
and
my
program,,,i
will
make
it
another
day,,,god
bless
you
all...i
can't
thank
you
enough
for
being
there
for
me...all
i
have
to
give
you
all....
is
my
love.....thank
you
...bertlynn..aka..old
crazy
woman
