Hey
ZC,I
am
with
you
on
alot
of
this,being
a
woman
(or
man)
who
has
been
under
the
'power'
of
an
abuser
in
the
past.
Last
night
I
went
out
to
dinner
with
some
friends
and
we
have
all
been
relatively
recovered
for
a
few
years
and
some
did
the
AA
thing
every
day
and
needed
it
just
to
keep
their
minds
off
the
sh*t
substance
(whatever
it
was/doesn't
matter)
Sometimes
I
do
feel
like
I
allowed
some
brainwashing
to
occur
in
the
first
year
but
I
am
old
enough
to
have
seen
through
a
lot;I
think
I
was
a
bit
shell-shocked
after
near
death
a
number
of
times
and
just
wanted
to
get
well.
We
seemed
to
all
be
in
agreement
that
the
meetings
and
99%
of
the
people
we've
locked
horns
with
have
been
negative;
We
had
all
been
sexually
abused
to
different
degrees
and
getting
on
my
knees
is
not
my
favorite
idea.
Bowing
to
a
power
greater
than
myself....Holds
a
different
meaning
for
some
and
it's
ugly.
Take
what
you
want
and
leave
the
rest?
I
did
that
and
I
have
my
friends
and
my
life
but
I
really
think
I
might
have
needed
that
'mind-sweep'
at
the
beginning
;I'm
still
trying
to
figure
out
exactly
why.
I
think
being
human
is
just
a
mentally
f-ed
up
condition
to
begin
with
and
whatever
helps
make
it
easier,
I'll
grab,
including
self-destruction.
I
see
from
your
page
that
you
are
an
artist,
so
am
I
and
I
wasn't
thinking
creatively
(with
the
booze
anyway)...
the
other
stuff
was
great(shouldn't
say
that
but
it's
true).
I
am
not
a
big
fan
of
the
BB
anymore.
I
really
tried
but
kept
getting
repulsed
by
maybe
just
the
wording
(?!)
I
don't
know.
The
basic
tenets
are
OK
and
are
shared
in
all
'religions'.
If
it
isn't
practical,
it
isn't
spiritual.
God?
I
am
not
sure
about.
Really.
A
creator
of
all
of
this?
Who
the
F
knows?
Best
not
to
think
about
it
too
much;
it
drove
Neitszche
insane
and
would
anyone
because
there
is
no
answer(
for
me).
I
don't
want
one. Yeah,
I
don't.
I
am
going
back
to
sleep.
Love
Saturdays.
We
are
always
changing
and
this
one
is
a
good
one
and
I
want
to
keep
it
that
way!.....
just
blabbing
on,feels
good.
Thanks.
L,Janet
XO
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'the only life worth living is a life lived for others' A. Einstein
