Addiction

I am still finding myself so I will do the best that I can. My real name is Heide. I grew up in one of the worst gang and drug neighborhoods in Aurora,IL. I am a durg addict and has been in and out of AA NA CA etc... for fifteen years. I still go to AA staying sober. Never once in my life I could stay sober for more than a year. I a newcomer. I know all the tools and how to use them...I guess I feel unworthy to fight for my life. I also have mental disorders as well. I am one of those addicts that was born into this world as an addict. Both my parents used and have the addicted personality. I do to have the addicted personality. I also suffer from chornic pain, Bi-polar, OCD, ADHD, major depression, sever anxiety (social phobia) and paranoia. What a great life ehh. I have low self esteem, I feel unworthy and I am very scared. OK enough of that. Here's a good day for me. I go to AA everyday sometimes twice a day. Made alot of good trusting friends there.(As far as trust..it does take me awhile) I feel the love when I enter those doors to AA even tho I have been in and out of them quite a bit. I always see the same faces...goes to show me this program really works. Lots of hugs. We hang out sometimes after the meetings. I talk to a few people a day in AA and see them at meetings. I have a great sponsor. When I feel good about myself I like to clean, cook, be lovable to my most wonderful hubby, I take a walk, talk to my daughter on the phone and go to church with her. I totally surrender my addiction and other defects over to Jesus. Since then I have been at peace with in my heart. I believe this is my time. I am tried of hurting people I love. Besides I may not make it back next time I go out there. Everyday and sometimes all day I pray for help and I pray for Jesus to help others. I am giving, I have a good heart, I like to help people and I hate wars. I am strarting to learn how to let things go and love myself...just need a little help. I also go to CR which is a Christain base Recovery form all things. I am trying to get close to Jesus and learn his word. With out Him I am nothing.

1.Walking
2.Talking it up on the tele
3.Spending time with my hubby
4.Spending time with my daughter
5.The internet...MySpace...lol
6.Reading
7.Playing with my cats
8.Watching movies exspecialy horror flicks
9.Hanging out with my people.
10.Staying close to Jesus!

1.Jugdemental people
2.Theives
3.Liars
4.People who sell drugs.
5.Back stabbers
6.People who force religion
7.Wars
8.When someone tries to be the boss of me.
9.To be criticized in the wrong way
10.Someone abuses a child in every form
11.People who messes with my family ans friends
12.Drunk drivers (driving under the influence of anything)

Christian side...I love a little Christain rock
I like some heavy metal,hardrock and classicrock.
Latino side cumbias,barchatas and reggaton.
I love just about all music except for country.

Tha Bible! I like to read documentories,you know real life stories,romance and history.

Anything that would scare the hect out of me and leaving me on the edge of my seat.

Reading,MySpace,Playstation 2,making jewerly and reading the bible.