Addiction

Well I have had an awesome time gettin to know me again...let me explain..my name is Kelly and I AM an alcoholic. I would of never dreamed I would ever say that...I mean in my mind an alcoholic was unemployed or missed alot of work was mean (my dad was a violent drunk for most of his drinkin career..he has sobered up many yrs ago..) I was a social drinker at most in my mind. We rarely had booze in the house (wouldn't an alcoholic keep it at home?) *note these are the thoughts I had not have Looking back I can tell you that I was an alcoholic from the first drink.. I was a kid and my dad had whiskey in his Whataburger cup...and I took a drink not knowing (I was younger than 10 because my sister wasn't born.) and I liked it! My cousin shuttered and I loved it...weird?!? Then I know that I had black outs as early as high school..but I thought they were normal. My high school years were good for the most part. I was active in athletics and drill team and my youth group. I was on the EYC state board..I mean it had moments but it was good. I got married real young to a man I had known 6 mos before he went to the navy ..and he was a heavy drinker (I can not diagnose him an alcoholic only he can admit that ) I can tell you he was REAL mean when he drank...I later married my best friend. We had a good marriage...but he worked offshore and I was lonely and depressed. We had 2 kids together close together. I suffered from PPD and was on meds for a 6 wk period.(for the sake of my ex husband let me plug that it was Dr Yancy and he put me on wellbutrin so ..anything else ?? ) Meanwhile they both had medical issues and he was gone(working offshore every 30 days ..better) and my older daughter was taking on a role she shouldn't of had to and that led to more depression..and behind the scenes I was drinking. Only a drink a night...just that drink got more rum less DP as time went on..and only after the kids were down...(thought that was ok ) I was never hung over (a curse really ) I was up at 6 with the kids..and yet alone..so much happened in between that I will gather together when I tell my story but after my kids were in Florida with their dad and his new wife and new baby brother and twin sisters and my daughter was a SR and busy I became a workaholic..at a restraunt...as a GM ..that is lots of hours..late nights(no it wasn't drugs whiskey is a drug I guess)..ugh..the depression got even worse and I drank even more to not think...and so it went... I realized last March I hated myself and what I was doing to myself and I couldn't stop. When I tried to quit it was soo painful..OMG soo bad...but finally enough was enough.I had continued to go to my church Clear Creek Comm and through all the prayers I found my way to rehab...and man that has totally changed my life..saved my life..God had already forgiven me for all the things I was beating myself up over..His Grace..wow..I have a wonderful life now. God placed a Christian man in my life with 2 awesome kids. I have restored my relationship with my parents and contact started with the ex to work on my babies getting back to see us in Texas. My oldest got married while I was in rehab..that was hard..but ya know God has this...He really doesn't need my help...my ways got in His! IT was HARD to admit that I was an alcoholic...scary to think my only coping mechanism was gonna be gone...but I made it to a yr (Mar 08) and I made it through their bdays Thanksgiving Christmas and New yrs...sober..and only by God's grace and my best friend lover and now fiance ...thank you baby for loving me when I couldn't love myself!!! Many of you and you know who you are were there for me when I was shaking on that couch seeing spiders and things and all the bad stuff that goes with DT's...thank you for holding me thru the shakes..the gatorade and honey (ugh) and the prayers..I love you girls (and guys) more than I can ever tell you...more than I can ever show... Day by day ladies day by day...we found a New Hope!!!

I love goin to see my friends bands play .. I love the beach! I love to run! Anything these days cause I can remember them!

mean people ... that's about it...

OKAY this could be confusing to some ...I LOVE JACK JOHNSON but I also like ALL country ,contemporary christian like Casting Crowns,Third day,Chris Tomlin,Natalie Grant,Barlowgirl,an ol buddy Chris Young,Radiohead,SUBLIME,Pink Floyd,Bon Jovi,INXS,Greenday,Soul asylum,Nickeback,Live,Staind,Seether,geeesh all kinds!! There is a band that goes to sherlocks Madigan...they rock too..as you can see by my player I like just about anything!

John Grisham is my main one, Janet evanovich is good, The Recovery Bible has the best info though,the big book lol and anything real crime yeah I know weird ..

omg there are soo many .. we rent alot lol Last one we saw was P S I love you it was great Bourne Ultimatum,The Ultimate Gift (wow) Stardust was good,We Own the Night,Gone Baby Gone,Because I said SO,Waitress,Bridge to Taribithia, The Brave One was good...many others I just can't think yet

Think I touched on this in likes .. running reading live music