MY NAME IS CASSANDRA & I'M AN ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT AND MY BLOOD GROUP IS AA POSITIVE. LOL.. I AM THE YOUNGEST OF 6 CHILDREN MY FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC BUT DIDN'T KNOW IT MY MOTHER SUFFERED FROM MANIC DEPRESSION & WAS INSTITUTIONALIZED OFTEN DUE TO HER MANY ATTEMPTED SUICIDES & MANIC BEHAVIOR I WAS CONSTANTLY BEATEN & ABUSED PHYSICALLY, MENTAL & EMOTIONALLY BY MY FATHER, 2 BROTHERS & MY MOTHER. I BEGAN DRINKING ALCOHOL AT 15 TO ESCAPE THE FEAR THAT I LIVED IN ALL MY LIFE. AT 16 I BEGAN RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME REGULARLY TO ESCAPE THE ABUSE. EVENTUALLY AT THE AGE OF 16 & HALF I WAS PUT INTO A GIRLS HOME (CLASSIFIED AS "UNCONTROLLABLE") NATURALLY I WAS PISSED OFF AT BEING LOCKED UP, BUT IT SAVED MY LIFE IN MANY WAYS AS AT LEAST WHILE THERE, THE ABUSE STOPPED UNTIL MY RELEASE ONE DAY BEFORE I TURNED 18 THEN IT WAS BACK HOME TO THE INSANITY, CHAOS & ABUSE I SIMPLY CONTINUED TO DRINK, BUT MANAGED TO HOLD DOWN A GOOD JOB WHILE STILL LIVING AT HOME I MET A GUT AT 19, FELL PREGNANT BUT ABANDONED BY THE FATHER BEFORE MY SON'S BIRTH. SO I BECAME A YOUNG SINGLE MOTHER BUT THE DRINKING CONTINUED. I DID THE BEST I COULD TO BE A GOOD MOTHER..I WORKED 3 JOBS & TRIED TO CONTROL MY DRINKING HOWEVER, MY DRINKING ONLY GOT WORSE & THEN CAME THE DRUGS POT SMOKING, SPEED & PILLS OF ALL SORTS AS A NURSE, I KNEW WHAT COCKTAILS TO MIX FOR WHATEVER EFFECT I NEEDED. BY THE AGE OF APRROX. 25 I KNEW I HAD A DRINKING PROBLEM BUT DID NOT REALLY WANT TO STOP SO I BEGAN TO CONTROL DRINK..THIS WORKED ON & OFF FOR A WHILE BUT BEFORE LONG I WAS DRINKING MORE THAN EVER & TAKING COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF PILLS ON A DAILY BASIS. THIS WENT ON FOR YEARS & I WAS IN & OUT OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS. I WENT THROUGH ONE FAILED MARRIAGE WITH A MAN WHO DID NOT THINK HE A DRINKING PROBLEM. I KNEW HE DID BUT I COULD NOT SEE MY PROBLEM..I WAS IN TOTAL DENIAL I GUESS.lol. ANYWAY, I FINALLY LEFT HIM BUT MAINLY SO I COULD DRINK & DRUG THE WAY I WANTED TO. I DRAGGED MY SON THROUGH ALL THE CHAOS OF MY ADDICTIONS..NO WONDER MY SON WENT ON TO BECOME AN ADDICT BUT I AM BLESSED TODAY COS HE IS IN RECOVERY NOW AND WE ATTEND MANY MEETINGS TOGETHER & HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP AGAIN. MY ROCK BOTTOM CAME AT THE AGE OF 44 WHEN I FOUND MYSELF IN THE GUTTER AFTER A 4 DAY BINGE FILTHY DIRTY, LIVING OUT OF MY CAR & BREAKING IN TO THE LOCAL SURF CLUB TO HAVE A SLAP UP WASH I'D CLEAN MY TEETH WITH WHATEVER ALCOHOL I HAVE ON ME WITH NO TOOTH BRUSH ETC.. I COULD NOT BELIEVE I HAD SUNK SO LOW & WONDERED WHERE MY LIFE HAD GONE & HOW THE HELL & HOW I HAD ENDED UP LIVING IN HELL...COS THAT WHERE I WAS...HELL!!! I SWALLOWED MY PRIDE & CALLED MY BROTHER (the only surviving one that beat the worst) BY THIS TIME MY PARENTS HAD BOTH PASSED AWAY & I HAD NOWHERE ELSE TO GO. MY BROTHER ALLOWED ME TO LIVE IN THE FAMILY HOME AS HE HELD THE DEEDS TO THE HOUSE I ATTENDED MY FIRST MEETING OF AA & WAS HORRIFIED COS I IDENTIFIED & THAT WAS SCARY I KEPT GOING TO MEETINGS & DETOXED ALONE..DUMB.. COS I COULD HAVE DIED FROM HEART FAILURE OR A BRAIN SEIZURE BUT I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT DETOXING AND DID NOT KNOW I NEEDED REHAB... I HAVE NO DOUBT GOD WAS LOOKING AFTER ME & FOR THAT I AM SO GRATEFUL. I DON'T KNOW HOW I STAYED SOBER FOR 15 MONTHS COS I WANTED TO DRINK EVER DAY DURING THAT TIME. I KEPT GOING TO MEETINGS SO I'M SURE THAT'S THE ONLY WAS I MANAGED TO NOT PICK UP. I THEN HAD AN EMOTIONAL BREAK DOWN & PICKED UP FOR ONE DAY. I WENT BACK TO THE ROOMS OF AA & SHARED ABOUT MY SLIP. I STAYED SOBER FOR ANOTHER 3 & HALF YEARS WITH REGULAR ATTENDANCE AT MEETINGS BUT PICKED AGAIN AFTER ANOTHER EMOTIONAL EVENT (I nursed my sister in law & was with her when she died from Cancer at home..my brother was no help..the prick.) THIS WAS JUST SOMETHING I COULDN'T HANDLE ON MY OWN SO I DID WHAT CAME NATURALLY..I DRANK. ONCE AGAIN I ONLY PICKED FOR THE ONE DAY & GOT BACK TO THE ROOMS & SHARED ABOUT THIS SLIP. THAT WAS ON THE 18TH MARCH 2004 & I HAVE REMAINED CLEAN & SOBER EVER SINCE, BY THE GRACE OF GOD & THE LOVING PEOPLE IN THE ROOMS. ..ONE DAY AT A TIME.
LIKES
RECOVERY, FRIENDS, TRAVELING, MUSIC & DANCING, THE ARTS, BEING TRUSTED, FREEDOM TO BE ME WITH OUT THE BONDAGE OF BOOZE & DRUGS, LOYALTY, MY JOB AS A CARER FOR PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES & MENTAL ILLNESSES, OPEN MINDED PEOPLE & STRAIGHT FORWARD PEOPLE...JUST SAY IT LIKE IT IS PLZ..I DO!! LOL.
DISLIKES
DISHONESTY, JUDGEMENTALISM, SHALLOW PEOPLE, HOUSEWORK.LOL., JEALOUSY & ENVY..PEOPLE WHO WON'T GET HONEST WITH THEMSELVES OR OTHERS.
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THE BIG BOOK, DAILY REFLECTIONS 24 HOUR A DAY BOOK & ANYTHING ON SPIRITUALITY OCCASIONALLY READ PASSAGES FROM THE BIBLE THE MAN WHO MISTOOK HIS WIFE FOR A HAT by Oliver Sacks THE TENTH INSIGHT By James Redfield TOO MANY TO LIST HERE
DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME DUE TO FULL TIME WORK BUT I LOVE BEING CREATIVE IN LOTS OF WAYS eg:WORKING WITH WOOD, RESTORING OLD FURNITURE ETCHING OLD WOODEN FRAMES, CREATING BONSAIS WRITING POETRY, READING, CANDLE MAKING LOVE TO SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH FRIENDS
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